ANCHORAGE, AK – Todd Palin vows to jump 25 election booths with his snowmobile on Election Day.
Todd Palin believes the stunt will increase awareness and voter turnout in support of his wife’s Vice Presidential bid. “Last time I did something like this I got a DUI, but this time I’m helping save America!” Palin said, and then proceeded to yell excitedly with his supporters for seven minutes.
Palin is a four time snowmobile champion and works in Alaska’s oil industry. He never received a degree, but during his short time at college was a member of the infamous Delta Lambda Mu fraternity, the only fraternity in America to be outlawed in an amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
Also he has been a vocal member of the Alaska Separatist Movement and a judge in the 2008 Miss Alaska competition, which he says he is “most proud of.”
When asked what role he would play in a McCain Palin administration, he stated that his formidable video game skills would make him a valuable asset as a military advisor.
Mr. Palin wanted to complete his jump across the state line, marking the fifth time he has ever left Alaska, however he has been labeled Persona Non Gratis by Canada due to an incident involving a missing Labatt Blue truck, several cases of maple syrup, and a psychologically traumatized moose.
Palin concluded his press conference, held at an Anchorage sports bar, by exclaiming “My hot wife’s gonna be king of the world!” He then fell of the table and hit his head on a pinball machine.