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So I heard I bought some of you new cars last week! When do I get a thank you?!

Yeah, I know: you think “the gubmit” gave you a new car, with that Cash for Clunkers thing. Well, who do you think “the gubmit” stole that $4500 from in the first place? Me, and the half of us still stupid enough to pay taxes!

I can’t afford to buy a new car. Know why? Cuz the government took my money and gave it to YOU!

I don’t get it. I read on the computer machine that these “clunker” cars are actually still ok. They don’t run on magical unicorn farts though, so they’re “bad” for the earth! (Even though what could be more natural than OIL that comes out of the ground, I don’t know…)

The law says these perfectly good cars have to get wrecked now, and their still good parts destroyed. How crazy is that?

It’s just what that commie pinko Russian spy FDR did during the Depression. People were starving but he burned crops because… that would help raise prices! And hey, FDR got us out of the Depression, right? OK, it took him ELEVEN YEARS, and then a little something called World War II came along, but remember: he was the Greatest President Ever!!

Nope, the only thing wrong with these “clunker” cars is that they’re…

OLD! And we can’t have shiftless unemployed Americans with no money in the bank and bad credit BEING SEEN DRIVING CRAPPY CARS, right?

This all shows you what to expect from Obama’s health care stuff: old people will get traded in and sent to the junkyard! Mark my words, America!!