HENRICO, VA – A truck carrying President Obama’s teleprompter and audio equipment was stolen days before his visit to a local kindergarten.
President Obama’s Teleprompter, or TOTUS (teleprompter of the United States), was stolen right in front of the Secret Service in Virginia.
The President was livid and had to cancel his speech in front of a class of kindergarten students. “I had my speech all planned out, I was going to tell the kids to eat some vegetables, or donuts, or something, but I don’t remember, and I wanted them to think about something important like the NBA, but I forgot what I was going to say. I feel terrible that I had to cancel. They deserve to hear me.”
Here is the typical setup President Obama uses when he speaks to kindergarten classes:
The entire setup above was stolen by the Teleprompter Thieves.
The Department of Defense confirmed the heist, but did not want to speculate on who stole the equipment. But WWN talked to sources close the Teleprompter.
“It was probably the Tea Party trying to stop the President from talking about the economy again, and others think it’s an inside job,” said Dr. Badu Merkti of the Defense Department. “There are a lot members of the President’s Cabinet who are jealous of Totus, because of all the time the teleprompter gets to spend with the President. Totus might not have the President’s ears, but he has his eyes – all the time.”
Other Democrats feel that Republicans pulled off the heist to stop the President from talking to the kindergarteners, potential voters in 2012. Why on earth would they think that kindergarteners can vote? Because the President is actually threatening an Executive Order allowing them to. “They can count to ten and then can tell blue from red, that’s more than a lot of Republicans,” said Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary. “The President feels kindergarteners are fully human and should be able to vote for him, um for President.”
Still others think that Totus organized the heist. “Some inside the administration are speculating that Totus was growing tired of the President’s speeches. Lately, Totus had been trying to change the speeches, on the fly, but the President recently yelled at Totus for doing so. “This could have been a run-away situation,” said a senior advisor to the President Obama.
The truck with Totus was parked at the Virginia Center Commons Courtyard Marriott in advance on Wednesday’s presidential visit to Chesterfield Kindergarten.
Totus has long been a loyal and patriotic American – rarely is Totus seen without American flags.
“I think Totus will return to the White House some day and we hope it’s soon… the President hasn’t spoken a word in twenty-four hours,” said Carney.
WWN reached out to President Obama directly for his reaction… but he had no comment.