PORT SAINT LUCIE, FL – Gangs are springing up in Wal-Marts around the country, but shoppers continue to risk it in search of good deals.
Gangs have recently been discovered which operate entirely within Wal-Mart stores. They have been seen attacking shoppers; taking their unpurchased items, stealing the wheels off their carts, or spray-painting their tags on customers. A few brave souls have sent warnings via text message or email to friends and family.
Henry Devino, a Massachusetts contractor, was assaulted just last week. After turning the corner into the wrong aisle, Mr. Devino was attacked. He was later found in the fabric section, caulked to a wall with Spongebob underpants over his eyes ($3.99) and bruises in the shape of a Tottino’s hard salami ($2.99).
“It was scary, but I’ll probably be coming back. In times like this, how can you say no to those prices?”
In places like Port Saint Lucie, Florida, Burlington, Vermont, and Stamford, Connecticut, shoppers are on high alert. Greeters in some stores have begun handing out Kevlar vests to women and children entering the store.
The gangs are believed to have originated with children and the elderly who became lost in the superstores and forgotten. Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart.
Given the massive size of most Wal-Mart superstores, the gangs are able to easily evade detection for weeks at a time.
A special Wal-Mart police force was called in at one store, resulting in a shoot-out in the linen section which claimed four lives and tens of dollars in ruined merchandise.
Police are issuing warnings of the Wal-Mart Gang initiation: the Big Rollback. The initiation involves a stolen chainsaw, riding lawnmower and several gallons of vegetable oil. After cutting a couch in half the initiate will do donuts in the riding lawn mower on an oil slicked floor, before disappearing back into the superstore.
Are you for real or is this a joke.
Are you for real, or is this a joke?
Are you for real or is this a joke?
Who can argue with Devino? Even if I got beat up by a pack of grannies I couldn't say no to the great prices.
ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT THIS HAS TRAVELED ALL THE FREAKIN WAY TO DAMN TEXAS!!!! WHO EVER STARTED THIS YOU ARE BEYOND STUPID!!!!
THIS IS A WAY OF TERRORISIM JUST SO YOU KNOW!!!! SENDING TEXT TO PEOPLE SAYING THAT THERE IS GOING TO BE RANDOM SHOOTINGS AT WALMARTS PEOPLE BEING AFRAID THIS IS RIDICOULOUSE!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU FIND A POND AND JUMP IN IT OR BETTER YET CLEAN IT UP…
Ridiculous
what the hell we nothing better to do than this. and if this is real shame on walmart for not doing a damm thing about it. i am surprise they have not been sued over this happening in there stores.
what do you propose they do?
I live in Jackson, Tn and last night 3 women were killed in Slemer, TN. just about an hour from here. They have advised people to not go to walmart, I don't know if anyone is, no one I know is going.
I personally think it is ridiculous for a gang member to go into a public shopping area where there are families there, and shoot down three women just to be part of some gang. I have received text messages on my cell phone all day about this. People have told me its a hoax, but im still not going to chance it and go into a walmart anytime today.
They don't its a BIG joke that has traveled EVERYWHERE!!! Im in new york and the schools here are buzzing about it!
WOW. I live in Medina, TN and I didn't know about the Selmer incident. I didn't even know about this whole mess until my cousin from Hillsboro, MO told me. It's weird how I haven't heard anything from my school either. Yeah, I'm suprised that no one has sued Wal-Mart either, unless someone already has, but either way this an atrocity. I really hope no one else gets hurt because of some damn low-life, bottom of the bottle losers. People involved with gangs really provoke me..
You haven't heard because its BULL SHI***
rye tye can we bone i promise i will not call or anything after
This thing has travelled all the way to Las Vegas, Nevada. Don't know if something like that would happen here though,
i just read that this a hoax, that that's not true and people are getting scared about a rumor that's been proven false.
I love satires.
WOW… That is really all I have to say… This just sounds FAKE….. Whoever wrote this, obviously had more time than brains… And for the people who believe this…. GET SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!
i agree
this article contains the worst humor ever. there are gang initiations going on national (especially in georgia, texas, virginia, and alabama) where women and children of 3 are there prime targets and whoever wrote this article is making fun of the situation. whoever wrote this article is probably a retarded unfunny mofo who clearly needs too be shot by gang members.
well, well well, what is this world comming to. I work in a mall and things are getting just as bad. the hood rats with no job. they would rater steal and hurt people and take what they have worked hard for. why? because they are lazy bullies that is why. it is easier to steal than earn a honest living like the rest of us
This is obviously a joke everyone.
First of all, read the article carefully. Do you not sense the humor in this article??? "The gangs are believed to have originated with children and the elderly who became lost in the superstores and forgotten. Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart."
ahahahahaha.
Also, if you were a gang member why would you kill someone on camera? walmart has cameras inside the stores as well as in the parking lot. Who even thought this rumor may be convincing????
no need to freak out.
Go to Walmart and buy yourself some candy.
AHAHAHAH well said… How bout the bruises in the shape of salami!!! LMAO
Funny there is nothing on the national news or on the internet ( a reliable site,) about this & this would be BREAKING NEWS! Come on people, WAKE UP!
KUDOS to you!! LOL What a GREAt way spread some fear and cheer!!!
This is crazy that the world has come to this!!!!!! Do we not have enough respect for the children of our furture! All we show them is the life of violence is the only way,when all they need to worry bout is enjoying life and making somthing of thier life. If this true or not i am not riskn my life or family. I hate that i would even have to share this with my daughters!! Hopefully this is not somthing that will continue with the next generations. cherish your family you may never know when its their time! But Hell yeah this is some crazy shit! Okc,ok
ok …are you people seriously thinking this story is true? Did you even read it? "Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart"…Come on…its called satire…and for those of you who havent heard that word before, here's the definition..
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Really….get a grip!
Great article. Solid reporting. I am in the isle six gang. We'll cut you so bad that you'll wish we wouldn't cut you so bad.
I settled in the camping supplies, If WM be a bad house, I be ready to handle the bad news. The baddest MF's are in the linen sections, Them bitches will cut you clean!!
"We'll cut you so bad that you'll wish we wouldn't cut you so bad."
Family Guy quote! I like it.
LOL!! Aisle 6 represent!
What amazes me is the time it takes to spread this stuff. I live in WA, received the first text from MO at 12:30 and my third by 5 from ID. It is scary alright but not the way you would think.
It's Selmer and the people are still in such awe of Pusser, they wouldn't dare!
I think this is hilarious! I have been to many different sights to look into this story and all of them have said the same thing. It's an urban legend. This report is great though. Any one taking this seriously needs to get a grip. A shoot out in the linen section costing tens of dollars… HA! Very funny.
Please people – get a grip. Some out there are having a laugh at all of us even bothering to write ANYTHING about this. Surely we have better things to do…
Oh my gosh this is so ridiculous. This hoax has floated around since '07. I live in Union City and know a few people at the wbbj tv station and at the Jackson Sun. No one can confirm this report of 3 women being killed. I also contacted the paper in Selmer, Tn. Completely UNTRUE! Geez. If this were true it would be HUGE news!!
http://www.snopes.com/crime/gangs/walmart.asp
Nothing about walmart and woman dying has really been mentioned except at the site above and if you read it these are old rumors dating 3 years back. I think everyone is just getting paranoid
"resulting in a shoot-out in the linen section which claimed four lives and tens of dollars in ruined merchandise"
Tens of dollars – best laugh I had all day.