WAL-MART GANG

wal-mart_gang

PORT SAINT LUCIE, FL – Gangs are springing up in Wal-Marts around the country, but shoppers continue to risk it in search of good deals.

Gangs have recently been discovered which operate entirely within Wal-Mart stores.  They have been seen attacking shoppers; taking their unpurchased items, stealing the wheels off their carts, or spray-painting their tags on customers. A few brave souls have sent warnings via text message or email to friends and family.

Henry Devino, a Massachusetts contractor, was assaulted just last week.  After turning the corner into the wrong aisle, Mr. Devino was attacked.  He was later found in the fabric section, caulked to a wall with Spongebob underpants over his eyes ($3.99) and bruises in the shape of a Tottino’s hard salami ($2.99).

“It was scary, but I’ll probably be coming back.  In times like this, how can you say no to those prices?”

In places like Port Saint Lucie, Florida, Burlington, Vermont, and Stamford, Connecticut, shoppers are on high alert.  Greeters in some stores have begun handing out Kevlar vests to women and children entering the store.

The gangs are believed to have originated with children and the elderly who became lost in the superstores and forgotten.  Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart.

Given the massive size of most Wal-Mart superstores, the gangs are able to easily evade detection for weeks at a time.

A special Wal-Mart police force was called in at one store, resulting in a shoot-out in the linen section which claimed four lives and tens of dollars in ruined merchandise.

Police are issuing warnings of the Wal-Mart Gang initiation: the Big Rollback.  The initiation involves a stolen chainsaw, riding lawnmower and several gallons of vegetable oil.  After cutting a couch in half the initiate will do donuts in the riding lawn mower on an oil slicked floor, before disappearing back into the superstore.

82 thoughts on “WAL-MART GANG”

  1. WOW. I live in Medina, TN and I didn't know about the Selmer incident. I didn't even know about this whole mess until my cousin from Hillsboro, MO told me. It's weird how I haven't heard anything from my school either. Yeah, I'm suprised that no one has sued Wal-Mart either, unless someone already has, but either way this an atrocity. I really hope no one else gets hurt because of some damn low-life, bottom of the bottle losers. People involved with gangs really provoke me..

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  2. I live in Jackson, Tn and last night 3 women were killed in Slemer, TN. just about an hour from here. They have advised people to not go to walmart, I don't know if anyone is, no one I know is going.

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  3. ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT THIS HAS TRAVELED ALL THE FREAKIN WAY TO DAMN TEXAS!!!! WHO EVER STARTED THIS YOU ARE BEYOND STUPID!!!!

    THIS IS A WAY OF TERRORISIM JUST SO YOU KNOW!!!! SENDING TEXT TO PEOPLE SAYING THAT THERE IS GOING TO BE RANDOM SHOOTINGS AT WALMARTS PEOPLE BEING AFRAID THIS IS RIDICOULOUSE!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU FIND A POND AND JUMP IN IT OR BETTER YET CLEAN IT UP…

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  4. what the hell we nothing better to do than this. and if this is real shame on walmart for not doing a damm thing about it. i am surprise they have not been sued over this happening in there stores.

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  5. I personally think it is ridiculous for a gang member to go into a public shopping area where there are families there, and shoot down three women just to be part of some gang. I have received text messages on my cell phone all day about this. People have told me its a hoax, but im still not going to chance it and go into a walmart anytime today.

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  6. i just read that this a hoax, that that's not true and people are getting scared about a rumor that's been proven false.

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  7. WOW… That is really all I have to say… This just sounds FAKE….. Whoever wrote this, obviously had more time than brains… And for the people who believe this…. GET SOME PSYCHIATRIC HELP!

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  8. well, well well, what is this world comming to. I work in a mall and things are getting just as bad. the hood rats with no job. they would rater steal and hurt people and take what they have worked hard for. why? because they are lazy bullies that is why. it is easier to steal than earn a honest living like the rest of us

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  9. This is obviously a joke everyone.

    First of all, read the article carefully. Do you not sense the humor in this article??? "The gangs are believed to have originated with children and the elderly who became lost in the superstores and forgotten. Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart."

    ahahahahaha.

    Also, if you were a gang member why would you kill someone on camera? walmart has cameras inside the stores as well as in the parking lot. Who even thought this rumor may be convincing????

    no need to freak out.
    Go to Walmart and buy yourself some candy.

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  10. Funny there is nothing on the national news or on the internet ( a reliable site,) about this & this would be BREAKING NEWS! Come on people, WAKE UP!

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  11. ok …are you people seriously thinking this story is true? Did you even read it? "Banding together for protection, they grew up and learned to survive in the tough aisles of Wal-Mart"…Come on…its called satire…and for those of you who havent heard that word before, here's the definition..
    1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
    2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
    3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

    Really….get a grip!

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  12. wow. iono i live in cali n i juzz heard bout it. i came 2 riverside 2 vizit and az im walkin thru da mall zum dude tellz me 2 not get near wal mart cuz diz gang initiation thing goyn on n dat a lady had juzz been shot der. haha wow iono if diz ztuff iz real bt i guezz.

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  13. Great article. Solid reporting. I am in the isle six gang. We'll cut you so bad that you'll wish we wouldn't cut you so bad.

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  14. I think this is hilarious! I have been to many different sights to look into this story and all of them have said the same thing. It's an urban legend. This report is great though. Any one taking this seriously needs to get a grip. A shoot out in the linen section costing tens of dollars… HA! Very funny.

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  15. Please people – get a grip. Some out there are having a laugh at all of us even bothering to write ANYTHING about this. Surely we have better things to do…

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  16. Oh my gosh this is so ridiculous. This hoax has floated around since '07. I live in Union City and know a few people at the wbbj tv station and at the Jackson Sun. No one can confirm this report of 3 women being killed. I also contacted the paper in Selmer, Tn. Completely UNTRUE! Geez. If this were true it would be HUGE news!!

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  17. "resulting in a shoot-out in the linen section which claimed four lives and tens of dollars in ruined merchandise"

    Tens of dollars – best laugh I had all day.

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  18. HILARIOUS!!!! Anyone who believes this needs to listen to the song, "Ocean Front Property" by George Strait, they will probable believe that, too!! I live in Oakdale, La, and there actually were cops sitting at our Wal-Mart, just in case something happened..it's a retarded city filled with retarded people, so why not, it's not like these stupid ass cops have anything else to do, right?

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  19. Oh, Please.. How many more text messages am I gunna get about this? I'm in Cleveland, OH and it was "confirmed"(what ever! ) on Fox8 news that 3 women in Northeast Ohio were going to be shot at a local Walmart in a gang initiation- stay away from walmart! I never saw it. I looked it up but only found other cities that "say" it happened, (for example: ILL, Flor, and so on…) I'm sorry Mr. Davino that you were stuck to the wall with calk, i didn't know calk set up that fast, couldn't break away? I'm sure you weigh more than a bathroom tile- it's not super glue!, with Spongbob on your head and the media had the nerve to mention how much it costs to do it! Just gotta laugh, but yet, he will got back to Walmart cuz of the good prices! I'm sorry, but if this happened to me I would surely NEVER shop there again!

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  20. Hey Meester Joker! With whatever is going on with Walmart , don't you think the police monitor these blogs? Umm, and you mentioned your "so called" gang name. Calling and emailing some police friends of mine to check it out…. gotta do my duty to wipe out the SLIME on the streets!

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  21. Please, a true gangster is a true criminal! "cutting a couch in half; do donuts in riding lawn mower in oil slicked floor". A true criminal does not have time for such nonsense! Probably some kid seeing how much of a riot he/she could stir up!

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  22. This is freakin hilarious!!!! Great article and the whole paranoia just added to the fun. Honestly, I can't belive people can't tell the difference between a blog and news. Hope this increases your readership and that the readers get a little more media saavy!

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  23. What about us Brits? We follow everything you guys do, first you give us recession now post recession super market mafia. Remember we've got Asda part of the Wal Mart 'family' Do you think we should scan the incoming customers, (if you scan 2 together it comes up as a multi buy discount) put all their belongings in a see through bag and all that ? Do you know if these people are members of Asda Jehad?

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  24. I may not be a fan of Walmarts business practices, but they do offer good value for money merchandise. Obviously, some readers are not going to see the satirical comedy in this story and will believe what they see before them! Reginald, you have a good creative mind that should be tapped. I like to read some more stories like this. Thank you for the chuckle!

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  25. HAHAHAH laughin' my a** off. That's real creative, great job. Do you people actually think this blog is real? That's even funnier than the article!!!! Some people are so stupid, they just have no humor.

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  26. Are you guys really this dumb? Do you really think children and the elderly are being lost at wal-mart and forgotten and then forced to continue living there? Do you really think some guy was caulked to a wall? Let's put our critical thinking skills to use.

    This article is what we call "satire". I know it's a big word. Look it up. No, not in the "urban dictionary" look in a real dictionary.

    *shakes head sadly

    It's unbelievable that there's this many stupid people in the U.S. All Obama voters I'm sure.

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  27. this article contains the worst humor ever. there are gang initiations going on national (especially in georgia, texas, virginia, and alabama) where women and children of 3 are there prime targets and whoever wrote this article is making fun of the situation. whoever wrote this article is probably a retarded unfunny mofo who clearly needs too be shot by gang members.

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  28. ROFL! I don't know what's funnier. The original post or the paranoid comments it received…

    The scientifically impossible I do right away

    The spiritually miraculous takes a bit longer

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  29. it is funny that it is not on the news anywhere about the gang that is doing it… if it was true it would be all over the news ,newspaper,and everywhere people needs to quit this crap…

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  30. woman & children are being given Kevlar vests for shopping? And they walk around the stores for weeks and cant be seen? This is so much BS you'd have to born yesterday to eat this up. But then again i did read some comments that have seen though this……oh yes f.y.i pajama momma being an Obama voter would not lower your IQ….

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  31. IF YOU HAVE KIDS FOR THE ONES THAT THINK THIS IS FUNNY AND NOTHING IF YOU LOVE THOSE SWEET LIL INOCENT KIDS YOU HAVE THEN YOU NEED TO PROTECT THEM AND TAKE THIS SERIOUS BECAUSE I'M SURE U SEE THINGS ON TV ALL THE TIME ABOUT LIL KIDS GETTING KILLED AND HURT BY THESE CRAZY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD SO PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITIATION. HAVE A BLESSED DAY AND BE SAFE

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  32. Wow, crazy stuff…. I heard this stupidity all the way here in British Columbia Canada. A friend of mine at work got a text message from a friend warning people not to shop at walmart due to a gang going to kill three women….. nothing but a hoax… amazing to see just how far something like this can go… kinda creepy!

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  33. this blog my not be totally true but there are things going on in walmart. in beloit wi and janesville wi ppl were shot on friday and its all over the place weather or not its gang related who knows but something is going on…..

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  34. Well, your comment was GOOD UNTIL you started the mofo and the wishing the writer to be shot…. YOU should seek forgivness form something higher!

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  35. Only in the USA ,You guys are brain washed, THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR FINGERS TO WORK, To the rest of the world it just makes you sound real DUM…..

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  36. WOW! I always thought something was going on in Wal-Mart! Maybe that's why the employees always run from you when you try to get help!

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  37. This is true! Me and my friends Timmy and Ed own the video game aisle. If you try to bump us
    off the free game consoles, we will squirt you with a Heinz 24 ounce ketchup bottle ($2.19). If you
    still bother us, we will strap you to a shopping cart and wheel you into the adult diaper section
    where then you can deal with the Granny and Grampa gang.

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    • shut up. ya because the bible tells me so.
      the bible also says if your gay, surprise!!! your going to hell so second chance unless you pretend to be something your not

  38. My gang is moving over to K-Mart. That's where all the people who are afraid of Wal Mart are shopping now. So look out old people in your scooters, YOU CAN'T OUT RUN US!!!!!

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  39. Kids, put on your bullet-proof vests, we're going to walmart. Word to your mother (but only in the privacy of the bathroom stall….so the gangs don't hear).

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  40. Have some of you never read WWN?! Do you not understand the premise? It's like the Onion, only it's been out longer, you had to pay for it, and now it's not printed anymore.

    It's a JOKE – like, on purpose.

    Humor… it's so subjective.

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  41. i went to wal-mart the other day looking for some hookers in the aisle corners but then the wal-mart gang came outa nowhere and stole at least $33.78 worth of groceries this is a REAL threat to american grocery shoppers everywhere and we must do somthing about it..they have even been seen using watercups in the McDs to get free soda and then refill them some more

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  42. Gangs formed after June, 3 09 will fall under the economic stimulus package and will be eligible for Miley Cyrus steel jacketed ammo.

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  43. Actually Wal-Mart already has an official name for those gangs, they're called "Employees".

    Just beware of the "Greeters", those guys are hardcore old school yo.

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  44. well, Wal mart gangs are just rookies, here in Iowa the Target mob charges you 2% more in sales tax or you cannot leave the store. FBI has been investigating but apparently every time they catch someone they have to be released due to diplomatic inmunity.

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  45. This is not a joke. I lost a close friend when she went down the housewares isle during a gangland dispute. The frozen food mafia was fighting the ladies undergarment 510's. Please be careful when shopping.

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  46. Great blog! Sorry to change the subject, but, since Nashville is getting a lot of press lately, I’m looking for a great Nashville sushi restaurant or Japanese restaurant. Have you read any recent buzz? There’s a new one called Nomzilla Sushi Et Cetera, but I’ve only seen a few reviews. Here’s the address of this new Nashville Japanese Restaurant, 1201 Villa Place, Suite 101 Nashville, TN 37212 – (615) 268-1424. Thoughts? Thanks!

    Reply

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