Wild leprechauns have moved into Seattle and are responsible for thousands of vicious attacks.
A large battalion of Leprechauns are carrying out vicious attacks in and around the city of Seattle.
The pint-sized brutes started moving into Seattle in February and were living peacefully, but they were allegedly setup a man was dancing with the wrong girl at a Belltown bar.
A massive brawl broke out between the Leprechauns and regular citizens in the bar. Officers arrived at the scene of a bar fight to find the man covered in blood and screaming in pain with his head held in his hands.
When officers asked who had attacked him, the man replied: “It was a bunch of leprechauns.”
That was beginning to the leprechaun mayhem in Seattle. Since then, hundreds of Seattle citizens have been attacked by leprechauns swinging shillelaghs. Most victims have only been bruised and battered. There have been no fatalities – yet.
The police are trying to round-up as many Leprechauns as possible, but the little green bouncing men are hard to wrangle. “They’re a lot faster than you’d think,” said one Seattle cop. “You think you have them in your grasp and then they hop out and leap above you.”
Some Seattle citizens are arming themselves to fight against the leprechauns. “I found a leprechaun gun on eBay. I bought it and I think I’m going to be safe,” said Jonathan Medwedin. “I also got myself a mahogany shillelagh. If I see one of them critters, I’m going to bop them on the head. They ain’t going to steal any of my stuff.”
Leprechauns supposedly have access to a pot of gold, but times have been hard even for leprechauns around the world, so they have been stealing and looting for the last year.
“We will rid our city of these varmints. Count on it,” said Seattle Police Chief, Frank London.