BREAKING NEWS – Osama bin Laden was spotted in Tehran yesterday!
Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, startled the world this morning, by announcing that Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in Tehran.
Ahmadinejad says bin Laden is living comfortable inside a guarded compound north of Tehran. He is surrounded by his third wife and a few children. He keeps a low profile, is allowed limited travel and, in exchange for silence, is given a comfortable life under the protection of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard.
Just yesterday Al Qaeda leaders confirmed that Osama bin Laden was dead, but Ahmadinejad brushed off that suggestion. “Osama and I have been watching Fox News and CNN the last few days. We find the fictitious stories coming out of Washington laughable.”
Ahmadinejad said that Osama bin Laden has been in Tehran since 2003.
The White House was quick to respond. “We knew all along that there would be conspiracy theories, and doubters. The Iranian president can indulge in his fantasies, but Osama bin Laden is dead,” said Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary.
Ahmadinejad called Carney an “American idiot” and went on to say that Carney and the White House had “changed their story about the killing of Osama bin Laden eighteen times since Sunday.”
Iranian leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, also went on Al Jazeera to also state that Osama bin Laden was alive. “He is relaxed and healthy,” said Khamenei. “He is ready to fight again.”
Americans around the globe are outraged at Iran’s claim, but not surprised. “Ahmadinejad is just panicking – he knows he’s next!” said Tommy Flanagan of Newton, MA.