SOUTH BEACH, Miami – The Jersey Devil is spotted taking a break from the harsh NJ winter.
Legend has it that after springing from the loins of a 19th century whore, the Jersey Devil immediately spread its wings and took flight. After soaring through the skies looking for a home, the wretched beast finally settled down in the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey. Until now, the Jersey Devil has been a reclusive creature not venturing out into public with much frequency. The creature’s reclusiveness is largely due to the repeated accusations that it continually kills livestock in the region.
“Them devils er ornery lil rascals, always killin’ ma livestock!” exclaimed Joe Headley, a farmer from southern NJ that raises cattle, reindeer and alpaca.
But now it seems that the Jersey Devil, or JD as he likes to be called, has broken free form the hermit lifestyle. Like many other snow birds, he has taken refuge in the sunshine state for the reminder of the season, avoiding the rest of this year’s harsh New Jersey winter.
JD has recently been spotted vacationing in Miami’s hot spot, South Beach. Several accounts have been reported of a large winged bipedal creature, with a horse-like head and hooves for feet gallivanting about South Beach’s Lincoln Road. Many believe that JD decided to travel to this tropical oasis because most of south Florida’s residents have never even heard of the Jersey Devil, much less know about its sorted past.
“I’ve never heard of the Jersey Devil,” slurred Ashley Bonita, a regular South Beach party girl, as she swayed drunkenly twirling her hair between her fingers, “Where’s Jersey anyway? LOL!”
And although JD has an ominous presence and repugnant foul smell, no one has seemed to mind him loitering about on the strip and the ladies of South Beach just cannot seem to get enough of him. Several party girls have been flocking to have their photos taken with the mythical beast.
“Sure, JD’s a little different, really hairy, kinda smelly and has terribly ugly feet, but have you seen the abs on him? Wow!”
It has been rumored that JD has been having so much fun on his vacation that he may make south Florida his permanent residence.