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ELECTION 2010: POT LOSES, McRIB WINS


ELECTION 2010 – Big loser:  marijuana remains  illegal in California.  Big winner: the McRib is back!

WWN once again led the country in election coverage.   Our reporters watched all the cable channels last night – at the same time.  We reported to each other what we saw on the TV.    We had up-to-the-second reports about what the pundits were saying.

Our analysts determined that the biggest winner of last night’s election was:  pot.  Proposition 19 went up in flames last night in California as the ballot initiative was not passed.  Marijuana will remain illegal in California.  Many stoners who supported the measure (and support being stoned) were upset – though it was hard to tell they were upset because they looked so numbed out.

Here’s a group of dejected stoners who fought hard for marijuana:

They worked the phones up until the last minute.  WWN analysts concluded that the problem was that most of the people managing the cannabis phonebanks were stoned.  “Instead of making 20-30 calls an hour, most of our pot phonebank callers only managed 2-3 calls an hour and they usually spent a few minutes talking about the double-rainbow,” said pot supporter, David de Andrade.

The big winner, however, was the McRib. This was also on the ballot in California (Proposition 22).  Voters in California overwhelmingly voted for the return of the McRib to McDonald’s restaurants all across the state.  Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger had banned the McRib due to its high calorie and high fat content.

But voters rejected Schwarzenegger’s push for “healthy living.”   If we want a thick, juicy, McRib drenched in barbecue sauce, we’re going to have it.  The state can’t tell us no!”  said a three-hundred pound McRib supporter, Hank Jorgenson.

The McRib proposition passed with 87% backing the return of the McRib.  Here’s a happy McRib supporter:

There are rumors that the marijuana supporters are going to try to get McDonald’s to add marijuana to the McRib recipe, but McDonald’s spokesperson, Tammy Weigle, said “we don’t want to ruin the McRib recipe, but we are considering offering pot brownies in California.  We’re just try it out in a few of restaurants in San Francisco first.  We think it’ll be a big seller up there.”

So, there you have it.  This is all you need to know about last night’s election:

Marijuana bad.

McRib good.

Now, go out and enjoy your day!