According to CEO, John Malley, Starbucks will serve coffee until 2pm (as per usual), then they will switch over to an all-liquor menu including beer, wine, vodka, scotch and grain alcohol.
Baristas will become bartenders and the music will switch to all techno and hip-hop. “We want Starbucks to reflect the culture. People like to wake up in their morning with their coffee and they want to party down with drinks , liquor. “We intend to keep our customers high and then help bring them down. We like to keep our customers on a “buzz” no matter what kind.”
Starbucks is also considering putting in stripper poles into their stores. ” Some of our hotter baristas will hit the pole in the afternoon, but we want to encourage our customers to get on the pole as well. Starbucks is going to “party central” for everyone,” Malley said.
It makes sense. U.S. Starbucks stores get 70% of business before 2 p.m. “The stores are virtually empty after 2pm. The space is going to waste. We need to get the party started,” said Chief Barista, Wendy Luck. “It’s going be a wild party at every Starbucks. We’re putting a disco ball in every store.”
Starbucks, which turns 40 next year, is looking forward to being the dominant player in the “bar space.” What better way to celebrate your midlife corporate crisis than to throw a nationwide party?!
In California, the Starbucks will also be selling joints and bong hits. “California will be legalizing marijuana in a month, so we want to make sure we don’t miss out on all the marijuana dollars that will be available in a few months,” said Malley.
The 16,000-unit chain ranks among the world’s most widely copied brands. When Starbucks sneezes, global pop culture feels the draft. Starbucks isn’t going to sneeze, it’s going to… “blow, baby, blow!”
Here’s a small sampling of the after new Starbucks Bar menu:
Venti Jagermeister
Grande Screwdriver
Tall White Russian
Tall Sam Adams with two shots of Patron on the side
Two shots of grain alcohol – with or without lemon
Grande Bloody Mary
Irish Coffee
Sambuca Grande
Ron Ron Juice
Ecstasy
Mojito Blue
Chai Vodka
Fresh Leaf: Afghan Train (only in California)
Venti straws
if this is a real report then i'd say it's a lame publicity stunt that won't happen and they know it
[...] VF Daily wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptA [...]
I was just at a starbucks at 3:00 pm and they didn't have any liquor up or anything .. I can't believe I stopped Bat Boying myself and went there .. I am going back to:
http://www.facebook.com/weeklyworldnews?v=app_714…
Immediately
I think this is absolutely ridiculous. for at least 20 years my recovery (12 step) friends and I have met at Starbucks to talk or read. it has been a quite place to read, study or talk. I think alcohol will make starbucks a loud place and the people who helped make your fortune will have to go somewhere else. I personally will not step in your stores again.
People really should look around the website before posting comments…
What's wrong with everyone? This is a Weeky World News post… In other words FAKE! It's the original Onion News. geez LOL
http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/food/201…
[...] been trained to make special coffees will now learn how to serve the hard stuff. According to a Weekly World News Report, Frank Lane satirically noted, “they intend to keep their customers high and then help bring [...]
Now this is news.
Is this even for real? I doubt Starbucks will do such a thing that will just ruin its name and credibility.
I dont think this is real no.
A BAD POOR IDEA! STUPID COMPANY STILL CAN’T FIGURE OUT THAT MARIJUANA IS BETTER FOR YOU THAN ALCOHOL!
WHY DON'T YOU TRY MARIJUANA INSTEAD?! EVEN AMSTERDAM DOES NOT SELL ALCOHOL IN THEY'RE COFFEE SHOPS, LEARN FROM BLESSING IN DISGUISE, AND SKIP THE ALCOHOL IN COFFEE SHOPS, WE HAVE ENOUGH BARS!
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Way to make up lies. Get a life.
Id rather go to Hooters.
This is very sad. I will sèriously have to consider id they deserve my business now
you must be dumb. this is obviously fake.
Agreed…. How can anyone with a fraction of a brain believe that Starbucks would release a statement with the words ” Some of our hotter baristas will hit the pole in the afternoon, but we want to encourage our customers to get on the pole as well." I hope you are either 15 years old or sterile.
-Travis
If this is real your Alcoholics for sure. If this is not real, a hoax then your a bunch of drug addicts. Can anyone ever cater to the ones that dont want to be up or down! Just normal and happy to be that way!
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Way to get butt hurt guys, it’s obviously just an article written by someone for entertainment purposes. Anyone can do it. Just Take it easy y’all .sounds like you need’ a drink!!!!!
Just perfect. This would give me more reason to stop by a Starbucks more often, enjoy a drink, and admire the cafe design.
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