EGG HARBOR – Several women saw a man fall from the sky on the Jersey Shore. They got a situation.
Police began a search in Egg Harbor Township, N.J. after multiple witnesses claimed that they saw a man free fall from the sky.
Three employees at a veterinarian’s office in Egg Harbor Township, NJ say they saw a man fall from the sky on Tuesday. He had no parachute. He just fell from the sky into some nearby trees.
An exhaustive search has turned up nothing. All three employees of the veterinarian’s office were single women in their 40s, so some Egg Harbor police are speculating that maybe the women were fantasizing a bit too much at work.
“We absolutely saw him! He fell from the sky into the trees,” said Gina Bonacci. The Egg Harbor police scrambled the Egg Harbor Helicopter, but they found nothing. No trees seemed to be disturbed. No branches were broken. No bodies were impaled on a fence. But, it was the first time the Egg Harbor Helicopter was used and there are numerous reports that the pilot had “a blast.”
Later in the afternoon, the women saw another man fall from the sky. This time he had “bigger muscles and cute, wavy blond hair. He looked like Fabio,” said Teresa Fiori of Egg Harbor. At the end of the day two other men – both “bad boys” – fell into the trees.
Police immediately contacted the cast of Jersey Shore to see if these falling men were a publicity stunt. Snooki and The Situation denied any involvement with the falling men, but liked the idea so much that may try it on next season’s show. The Real Housewives of New Jersey were also contacted, but they were too busy beating Danielle Staub with PVC pipes. “Look, we don’t have any friggin’ time for dropping men on Egg Harbor, we gotta take care of this bitch first,” said Caroline Manzo as she clubbed Staub with a stromboli.
Here’s the original news report about the first man who dropped from the sky.
The South Jersey community of Egg Harbor has issued a Code Red for its citizens. It might start raining men again, so they are encouraged to stand in door jambs as much as possible.
“I’m praying a man falls from the sky into my backyard. I haven’t been able to find anyone on Match.com,” said Emily Spizziri, 26, a longtime resident. In related news, women from across New Jersey have been planning their weekend getaways to Egg Harbor.
Rumors that money is growing on trees in Egg Harbor is false. Though it may be true.
Might as well start singing ladies: