WASILLA, AK – Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.

A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as “a sexy librarian shooting out the side.” Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska.  Preliminary forensics reports confirm that an adult male Sasquatch was shot in the face with Palin’s trademark 5mm M4 Carbine Assault Rifle.

Environmental groups are in an uproar at the hunting death of a rare and notoriously reclusive species.  Efforts to have the Sasquatch placed on the endangered species list have met with repeated opposition from state legislature, since protecting the ‘Missing Link’ could be seen as validating evolution.
Conservatives have immediately rallied to their party’s new star, citing that gun ownership and hunting are indelible parts of American culture.  Indeed this point is hard to argue, as John Adams was notorious for having captured what he called a “Skunk Ape” and killing it with his bare hands on the White House lawn in front of a paying audience.

96 thoughts on “PALIN BAGS A BIGFOOT”

  1. Palin and the Bigfoot
    Palin was hovering about and the Bigfoot male saw her belly button. When he heard her calling to him, he recognized a love of equal intellect and made the mistake of having an erection. Palin had to shoot that down.
    Lou Paris

  2. LOL keywords "sexy librarian" and "camouflage baby bjorn"! I wonder how many other stories have those two tags.

  3. Hmm. Let's see here. First of all, if Palin has a 5.56 NATO firearm, she is breaking the law. Second of all, that picture is so photoshopped its not even funny. Third, that's a Russian ak-105, which is not for export to the United States, or any country for that matter. (The rifle is also stretched out of proportion). Notice how the shadows are different on her and the "sasquatch", as well as the fidelity of the photo. The actual rifle is about three feet long, so palin is about 2'6". Please, WWN, stop putting out false BULLSHIT.
    Oh, and btw–McCain spontaneously changed 44% of his policies since running for president to fit the Republican party's ideals. Palin is basically a parrot, designed to win votes by spitting out random mudsling phrases like "pallin around with terrorists", which just shows how much of a hypocrite she is, considering her husband was a member of an alaskan secessionist party whose leader said, "I hate America. I don't want to be a part of its system, and if it was up to me, I'd remove it from the face of the earth." Suck it, Conservative powermanipulators.

  4. That Sasquatch rug is going to look great in front of the fireplace in the Governors Mansion. How can we get a governor like her? If she isn't elected as the next President then I'm moving to Alaska to start a Sasquatch hunting guide business.

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