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DAN RATHER IS AN ALIEN


NEW YORK – Dan Rather went on MSNBC and confirmed to Lawrence O’Donnell that he is, in fact, an alien.

Dan Rather went on MSNBC, with his alien friend, Tookle-M7, and spoke on behalf of all aliens.  “We want all Americans and citizens of the earth to behave in an appropriate manner when we fully invade the earth,” Rather said.  The former CBS anchor confirmed Stephen Hawking’s belief that there are aliens in the universe and on earth.  “Stephen Hawking is one of us,” said Rather.   He went on to say that humans were just useless “noobs” and served no real purpose in advancing Galactic Society.

Lawrence O’Donnell then revealed to his MSNBC audience that he, too, was an alien from Planet Zeeba.  “I’ve known Dan, whose real name is Ootoo-545,  for 3 gozwillion years.  We are both alien scouts working to prepare the earth for the invasion, which will be coming soon.”

Rather implored Americans to abandon alien Halloween costumes and other derogatory depictions of aliens.  “They are demeaning to my beings.  Please respect us and we will respect you when  we take over.”  Rather compared the coming alien invasion to the time Europeans conquered America.  “We do not want to slaughter all Americans like the Indians were slaughtered.  We are more compassionate, but if you do not behave… it will be a massacre.”

There was speculation that Lawrence O’Donnell and Rather were simply “joking” about being aliens because they are both in the upcoming film, Skyline, but then Tookle-M7 spoke to the audience through his alien translator (Rather) and said, “we produced that movie.  It is all part of the preparation for the invasion.”

Rather and O’Donnell advised all Americans to send money to the Democratic Party because Aliens will favor those Americans that are registered Dems.   “If there is any trouble, we will eliminate Republicans first.”

Rather said he was first abducted by aliens when he was a cub reporter in Huntsville, Texas.  “They took me back to Zeeba and taught me how to be a news anchor. Then they guided my career.”   Rather said that it was the aliens that allowed him to be the first to report on JFK’s assassination.  “They blocked the signals of all the other networks.  It was quite easy actually.  What a great day that was.”

The controversy surrounding Dan Rather when he left CBS was also planned.  “They wanted it to appear that I did not have all my faculties, but I did and I do and I will and I am.”   Tookle-M7 slapped Rather in the head.  “Sometimes he gets stuck,” the alien said (through Lawrence O’Donnell).

Rather has reported on UFOs and aliens for years. Coincidence?

Hmm….