LA JETPACK OFFICERS TAKEOFF!

LOS ANGELES – Weekly World News exclusive! Sources close to members of the Los Angeles Police Department say that they plan to launch their JetPack Patrol in 2020. 3,000 officers will use The Malley Jetpackj, which is manufactured in New Zealand. The first commercially developed jetpack, The Malley Jetpack, is ready for mass production and …

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STOCK-PICKING CHIMP IS BACK!

“To Ere is Simian”  Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp Alas, Uncle Lancelot saw it coming: the stock-picking chimp violated his cardinal rule – “don’t fall in love with a stock” in this case, cryptocurrencies. So I’m back writing this column because I need the $ and since you’re reading, you probably do too! So let’s step …

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HALF-MAN, HALF-ALLIGATOR!

ST. MARTINVILLE, LA – Deep in the bayou of Louisiana a strange creature has been found – one that was once human! “Me and my deputy were on patrol when a young woman and her father darted out from the bayou and ran in front of our car,” Sheriff Jasper Austin told Weekly World News. …

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ALIEN SPACESHIPS TO ATTACK!

WASHINGTON, DC – Three giant alien spaceships are approaching earth and should land on the planet in early November of this year. The United States is officially on “alien red alert” and  the rest of the globe is preparing for the arrival of three gigantic alien spaceships that appear to be hostile. The aliens spaceships …

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PANDORA’S BOX FOUND IN OPRAH’S ATTIC!

MONTECITO, CA – Greek scientists doing research at the University of California at Santa Barbara have announced a major discovery. They’ve found Pandora’s Box in the attic of Oprah Winfrey! It is the 8,600-year-old box that has the potential to unleash horrors beyond belief into the world. According to Greek mythology, back in the Golden …

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PELOSI, PUTIN AND P’LOD PLOT IMPEACHMENT

WASHINGTON, DC – Vladimir Putin has teamed up with Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, and popular alien, P’Lod to plot a strategy on the impeachment of President Donald Trump. Putin was in the nation’s capital last week for a series of private meetings with Pelosi on how to best get the President out of …

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MIRACLE SOAP!

BEIJING – An incredible slimming soap that’s been clinically proven to help people shed up to twenty pounds a month without diet or exercise. It tones your entire body and wipes away all wrinkles. It is taking the world by storm! The amazing seaweed-based soap is packed with iodine as well as nutrient-rich . and …

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LAKE ERIE MONSTER DISCOVERED!

ASHTABULA, OH – Divers recently made a startling discovery proving the existence of The Lake Erie Monster.  A team of Weekly World News reporters tracked down seven witnesses who have seen The Lake Erie Monster (also known as “Lemmie”) in the flesh! WWN reporters obtained audiotaped interviews with men and women who sighted Lemmie between …

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GOD THROWING ASTEROIDS AT EARTH

NASA has just detected a swarm of 16 asteroids hurtling towards Earth this week. After investigating the swarm, NASA has announced that God was throwing asteroids at Earth. They did not know what the reason was for God’s actions, but they are confident it was him (or her). These asteroids will start slamming into Earth …

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SIAMESE KANGAROO AT KANYE’S SUNDAY SERVICE

ST. LOUIS, MO – Siamese Kangaroo has been stalking Kanye West for the last month and he showed up again, this time at Kanye’s Sunday Service in St. Louis on Saturday, October 5th. The Siamese Kangaroo is focusing on Kanye like a laser. He’s keeping a close eye on Kanye, stalking him for some reason. …

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