WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.

Obama revealed today that he would immediately scrap all Abraham Lincoln references at his inauguration and instead would deliver a new theme of “Fantasy Inauguration”. In adhering to this theme, Obama will be clad for all inaugural festivities in the white-tie popularized by Montalban in his role as Mr. Roarke on the long-running television series. Obama also made the shocking announcement that his half-man half-bat half-brother Obatma would attend the inauguration and serve as his Tattoo.

Obama’s official announcement paid tribute to Montalban and his legacy. The announcement also took many by surprise in Washington.

Obama explained, “Abraham Lincoln was a great man, but Ricardo Montalban and the work he did on Fantasy Island holds far greater personal meaning to me. The opening scenes of the show were even filmed in my childhood state of Hawaii.”

He continued,  “America is a place, like Fantasy Island, where your dreams can come true. Sure, there is a price for making those dreams happen. That price is what we call ‘taxes’. My job as President, much like Mr. Roarke’s job on ‘Fantasy Island’, is making sure you get your money’s worth in making your dreams happen. Think of me as the new Mr. Roarke. The man who is going to make your dreams come true. This is truly America’s Fantasy Inauguration”.

Asked whether there would be a role for Ken Berry in the inauguration, Obama refused to speculate.

Obatma, Obama’s half-brother, was unavailable for comment.

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  1. I can understand your political satire; this is primarily what your site is known for. However, to besmirch the name of a distinguished actor, gentleman and community servant such as Ricardo Montalban, who died a mere few days ago, pushes the envelope farther than any decency you and your writers may have left. Ricardo Montalban not only distinguised himself on stage and screen, but he was also the founder of NOSOTROS, an organization committed to opening the doors of opportunity for Latino actors to succeed in their respective endeavors in the film industry. I'm sorry for you, and hang my head for your shame.

    Joe Ortiz

  2. I’m pretty sure you guys used the picture of Henry Waxman that’s up on The Drudge Report right now as the inspiration for Obatma.

    But you wisely made Obatma more realistic looking than Waxman.

    And a LOT less scary…

  3. I'm glad we have SOMEWHERE we can go to get the truth about things in Washington these days. Is it true that Obama is going to rename the Lincoln Bedroom the Montalban Bedroom, because that's where Fantasy guests will stay?
    At least the Marine One helicopter will come in handy- those whirling blades will be handy to keep Obatma's fangs sharpened. I seem to remember that half man – half bat creatures like to hang around the Marine Corps anyway.
    Obatma's incredible hearing with those super-sensitive ears will also pick up any conversations over at Capitol Hill- so heaven help the congressman who badmouths Obatma's half brother.
    There is also a rumor that Obatma has a secret love child, who is going to enroll at the Friends School next week so he can go to school with his cousins.

  4. I wish Barack Hussein Obama II well. This will be an estoric election. After decades of America being overseen by self-proclaimed Christian Anglo Saxon Men, however well-intentioned they may have been, it's time for a change. Obama even has a website for change at http://change.gov. Now Obama will be America's first president who's not an CASM, but a Discordian. It's the beginning of a new, fantastic era for America. Very soon we shall be free to break the oppressive chains of religion with science, and to break the oppressive chains of science with religion. We will be able to bend the laws of physics, and truly make all Americans' dreams come true. My one great hope is that I live to see that grand and glorious moment. Especially as it happens in two days.

  5. If Hillary had captured the nomination, she could have turned the parade into a tribute to Patrick McGoohan, who died the same day. She could have worn that uniform the women wore in THE PRISONER (the hat, the short coak, the pants, etc.) and made the theme, "It Takes The Village."

    • You know The Prisoner is a Discordian Saint? He is, after all, number six (2 * 3 = 6, 2 + 3 = 5).

      But I think Hillary would have looked hot in one of those Village outfits. Long Live The Villiage Voice and The Village People!

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