ABE LINCOLN WAS OBSESSED WITH MAYONNAISE!

New study shows it had THE PRESIDENT at death’s door! Inspires the start of the MAYO CLINIC Groundbreaking new research reveals that Lincoln’s arteries were so clogged with cholesterol he probably would’ve died soon after his fateful night at the theatre on April 14, 1865. Apparently, Honest Abe had been eating mayonnaise with almost every meal … READ MORE

HOLLYWOOD HOOPLAH BY SAZU JEJUNE

TARANTINO TO VISIT “OZ?” WILL KURT RUSSELL BE THE NEXT COWARDLY LION? Hello, from Hollyweird, boys and girls. Word is hot on the streets of Hollywood. Come to think about it, with the fires and heat waves, everything is hot on the streets of Hollywood. This is why you should stay hydrated and wear sensible … READ MORE

HORMEL HAMS SMUGGLED INTO COLORADO!

It has been several months since Hormel Foods Corporation CEO, David Crotty was dragged into a Twitter flamewar with Colorado’s most famous citizen, Bill Merry. Weekly World News will not be reporting on the Twitter exchange as it can be seen in it’s entirety on Bill Merry’s Twitter feed. It is most certainly an entertaining … READ MORE

BROOKLYN MAN HASN’T STOPPED DANCING SINCE 1977!

EVER SINCE HE SAW “SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER” HE JUST CAN’T STOP! Mario Ballare, age 54, from Brooklyn has been dancing 24 hours a day since 1977. He saw the debut of “Saturday Night Fever” and hasn’t been able to stop moving since! Doctors originally thought it was a simple case of “restless leg syndrome,” however … READ MORE

COOKING WITH TOOTHPASTE

GEORGIA WOMAN ADDS A SPECIAL INGREDIENT TO HER TASTY DISHES! Creative cook Marlene Boykin wants you to sink your teeth into something really delicious: mouth-watering dishes made with toothpaste! The Georgia lawyer says cakes, cookies, gelatin, iced tea, and even sweet potatoes can be combined with ordinary mint-flavored toothpaste for extra zest and interest. What’s … READ MORE

Grizzly Pied Piper

GRIZZLY BEAR PIED PIPER

HARMONICA PLAYER WALKS INTO WOODS & BEARS FOLLOW HIM! ANCHORAGE, AK – Experts are trying to understand the strange power that draws wild grizzly bears to harmonica player Tom Greyle and makes them follow him out of the woods into the city! A modern-day pied piper. Over the past six years, Greyle, known as “the … READ MORE

TITANIC TEETH DENTISTRY TO CLOSE

“WE’VE KEPT MEGA-MONSTERS MUNCHING FOR FIFTY YEARS.” Dr. Vincent DeCarlo stands in his small factory in Newark, New Jersey, surrounded by oversized teeth. For the last 50 years, Titanic Teeth Dentistry has focused only on the biggest stars in moviedom. “We’ve done dentistry on King Kong, Godzilla, King Ghidorah – the Three-Headed Monster, Rodan, Gamera. … READ MORE

JERSEY DEVIL DEMANDS NJ hockey TEAM change ITS NAME!

This past week outside of the Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey was chaos! The home of the National Hockey League’s New Jersey Devils was packed with fans.  Although this time, those fans, were not there to see the past Stanley Cup Champions-they were there for the ACTUAL Jersey Devil! “I’VE CHANGED. WHY CAN’T THEY?”  Coming … READ MORE