HISTORIAN HAS PROOF THAT POE DABBLED IN TITTERS BEFORE TERROR! Everyone knows that Edgar Allan Poe was a master of horror, both as a tale-teller and a poet. But Professor Rufus Malady has found proof that Poe started off as a stand-up comedian and, often, fell back on it when money got tight during his … READ MORE
[Note From Editor: The following opinion by Dunwich Dundorfer and may not be held by other hatless reporters in the WWN newsroom.] I can’t take it anymore! Every time I see it in public I’m as triggered as a kid that can’t afford the Fortnite battle pass. On a good day, I am merely seething … READ MORE
A Matter of Scale! At first it looked like an ordinary lizard. “A garden lizard,” said Elaine Barrow, 13. “I see them all the time. This one had a slightly different color, more like camouflage, not green.” Barrow’s mother, Dr. Jacqueline Barrow, a noted herpetologist, came to sit next to the garden with her daughter and … READ MORE
Terrifying effigy keeps the crops safe Philip Olsen, a farmer near Galveston, Texas, saw a news report about the record-cold weather that was about to hit the Lone Star state. He wasn’t worried. More than a decade ago, when he lived and farmed in Kansas, Olsen invented what he called a “Scaresnow,” a variation on … READ MORE
“SHE’S BLOWING MY COVER!” HE EXCLAIMS Professor Emir Zolton has a problem, actually two: he’s an alien spy from the planet Javlon and he has a neighbor who won’t leave him alone. “She’s blowing my cover,” he exclaims. “I’ve taken out a restraining order and the police have been very sympathetic but this woman can … READ MORE
On the surface, it looks like a collection of childish whims and cheap toys all for the affordable price of a couple of coins. At its heart it is ruthless and deadly serious business. Deadly enough in fact that the name of our contact for this article has been changed in order to protect the … READ MORE
If your cat’s baffling behavior sometimes seems out of this world, there could be a good reason — your spaceD-out kitty may hail from Mars! Scientists say that 1 in 10 American house cats appear to be from Mars. A number of Martian cats were recently photographed on the Red Planet by the Hubble telescope. … READ MORE
Vampire on Wheels Wows Crowds! Ever since he was young, Count Alexandru Craioveanu had a thing for American culture. “Call me Alex,” he says. “That’s a start. I can’t get with the long names, the final u’s. Just plain old Alex.” Being “plain old” anything has been a lifelong struggle. Alex’s father, a disgraced Romanian … READ MORE
Gets Too Fat To Fly Home The quiet town of Newport, Vermont didn’t expect a visit from extraterrestrial life this summer but that’s exactlywhat it got on a humid afternoon in June. Shocked commuters watched as a small spacecraft touched down near the gas station on Sias Avenue around 2pm. The pilot, a tiny grey … READ MORE
HE WENT INTO HIDING DURING THE SPANISH FLU OF 1918 John Cronley was just an infant when he and his family headed to their bunker in 1918. Unfortunately, he chose the wrong time to rejoin humanity. “Holy katzenjammers’ kids!” Cronley said. “My timing is the pits!” Cronley and his parents thought The Spanish Flu would … READ MORE