A MONSTER WITH A PONTOON BOAT? MEET JEFF, CHAMP’S LESSER-KNOWN COUSIN

PLATTSBURGH, NY – Everyone knows, The Lake Champlain Monster, the dinosaur-like creature known as Champ, But few know his cousin, Jeff. Unlike Champ, Jeff didn’t inherit the dinosaur gene,

But as the lore goes, Jeff is a talented shape-shifter. For now, it seems Jeff’s chosen form is that of a
balding middle-aged man. Jeff is far less elusive than his cousin, making him a popular target for
less ambitious thrill-seekers in Vermont and Upstate New York. 

“I got started with Champ,” said Victoria Blick, a 62-year-old cryptid enthusiast from
Plattsburgh, NY. “But I didn’t have much luck finding him. Jeff doesn’t swim far from shore,
and he’s far easier to photograph.”

HE’S THE KIND OF MONSTER YOU CAN HAVE A BEER WITH

In addition to his accessibility, some find Jeff a far more likable monster. “Jeff is the
kinda guy you can sit down and have a beer with,” said Jerry Wallace, president of the Port
Henry, NY Supernature Society, adding, “Champ is antisocial, what the kids call ‘emo.’”
“Champ plays hard to get,” agreed Henry Jones, also of the Port Henry Supernature
Society. “Jeff is a real everyman…he’s down to earth.”

Others believe Champ’s fame has gone to his head. “Champ has gotten cocky since the
60s,” said Martha Klein of Burlington, VT, citing Champ’s merch in certain highway rest stops,
his hundreds of fans, and his minor league baseball team, the Vermont Lake Monsters. Klein
elaborated, “his cousin Jeff still has that small-town charm we monster enthusiasts crave.”
Jeff’s also known for his hospitality and recently added a pontoon boat to his bag of
tricks. “I’ve been hanging out with Jeff for a few months now,” said Bob Fitz of Westport, NY.

“He’s just got so much to say, and really knows how to work a pontoon boat.” 
Monster-chasers across the lake in Colchester, VT, feel the same way. “His pontoon boat
is sweet,” said John Holt, “and [Jeff] has the best taste in music. Jimmy Buffet deep cuts, 24-7.” 

Controversy Looms

While his boating skills and incredible taste in music are undeniable, some controversy
surrounds Jeff’s personal life. Jeff bears an uncanny resemblance to nearby Lake Placid’s
recently divorced father-of-four, Geoff. But Jeff’s followers dispute any relation between the
two and question the media’s role in this frenzy. 

“I question the media’s role in this frenzy,” said Jerry Wallace. “These claims are
unfounded, deliberate attempts to undermine Jeff’s magic and mystery. Could a lonely, recently
divorced, unemployed middle-aged man drive a pontoon boat like [Jeff] does? I don’t think so.”
Other locals echoed Wallace’s claims. In these circles, Jeff’s allure seems safe.

In fact, Jeff is flattered by the comparison to Geoff. (Unlike Champ, Jeff does
interviews.) “Honestly, [Geoff] sounds like a great guy; it’s so unfair that his wife got custody,”
Jeff said. “But no, I’m just a regular old shape-shifting lake monster, always have been, always
will be,” he added. Jeff claims to have tested out some other animal forms back in the 90s but
says none are as well-equipped for handling a pontoon boat. 

CHAMP STILL THE CHAMP?

However, in the face of controversy, some local monster enthusiasts have stuck with
Champ. “Has anyone seriously questioned Jeff’s identity?” asked Stew Robinson of Plattsburgh.
He elaborated, “Champ is scandal-free. In today’s climate, I’m not sure it’s wise to follow a
pontoon-driving Parrot Head who may very well be a local divorcee.” 

Melinda Carlton of Elizabethtown, NY agreed with Robinson for very different reasons.
“Let’s not forget, monsters kill people. Would you rather be killed by a beautiful, fabled,
prehistoric lake monster or some divorcee driving a pontoon boat? I know what I’d choose.”
Get some popcorn and a comfy blanket, because this thrilling debate has no end in sight.
Some have even suggested a cage match between Jeff and his famous cousin.

While the jury is still out on Jeff’s marital status, his following in some parts of Upstate New York and Vermont is
indisputable. For many of the region’s cryptid chasers, Jeff remains a friendly, nonthreatening
testament to the unknown.