“It began right around the time I started my podcast.” The sixty five year old comedian grimaces, “I thought I was just going a little crazy. Overworked maybe. I ignored it at first, but I kept having unusual things happen around the house. Sometimes even while I was on stage! Orange wedges appearing out of thin air, rocketing towards my body! Usually aimed directly at my hindquarters!”
Mr Gottfried was accompanied by his wife Dara for this interview and faithful companion/podcast co-host Frank Santopadre.
“I thought it was just another wacky, out of date joke that Gilbert was trying to pull over on me. Orange wedges on the coffee table when I came back from a short bathroom break. Can you imagine! Gilbert would insist that he had nothing to do with it!” Frank laughs. “I believed him. One night I got pelted in the buttocks when I was talking with Gilbert in the front hall, near the door. I had my eyes on him the whole time. He couldn’t have done it! I called Dara the next day to ask about the unusual occurrence.”
“When Frank called me to ask about the Orange wedges, I was horrified. Whatever was happening to us was spreading to our friends. I was ok with it happening to me and Gilbert, but nobody else should have to suffer.” Cried Dara.
“I like having a snack readily available to me at random times of the day. Orange wedges are refreshing. I am used to being pelted with them in the patoot. I like it most when it happens early in the morning. Breakfast in bed! What a luxury!” Gilbert preens. “Do you have any idea how much money I am saving on fresh fruit!”
THE TRUTH REVEALED!
“We didn’t find out the identity of the spiritual entity until we paid a psychic to come to the apartment. We did a few rituals and held a seance and there it was.” Mr. Santopadre explains. “We were ecstatic to learn that Gilbert was being haunted by the one and only Cesar Romero!”
“Apparently, Mr. Romero is not happy with me. He thinks I’ve been spreading a rumor about him on my podcast.” Gilbert grins. “I’ve asked almost every celebrity I’ve interviewed if the rumor was true. Some won’t answer, some say that it is a lie, some don’t know for =sure, and some correct me on the details. Mandarin oranges, not Navel, is what Adam West said I believe.”
“Really the issue isn’t the haunting itself. Gilbert loves the attention from any celebrity. The real issue is that sometimes he haunts Gilbert on stage. It is throwing off the timing of his jokes. Cesar had ruined the Ben Gazzara bit about 15 times in a row now! It is really starting to mess with Gilbert’s confidence. Ben Gazzara jokes not working anymore! What planet are we on?!?!” Frank exclaims.”We just gotta figure out how to get Mr Romero to understand scheduling.”
Weekly World News asked for Frank and Gilbert to relay the rumor about Cesar Romero in its full glory, leaving out no small detail. They did so completely. Weekly World News will not publish this rumor. It is not fit for public consumption – like most of Mr. Gottfried’s comedy. On a personal level, this reporter suggests you don’t Google it either. Let Cesar Romeo’s legacy remain on the screen, please.
I’m just worried for the Gottfried’s glass-topped coffee table…you never know which spirits might arrive next.
Allegedly.