WHO WILL PLAY “THE VIRUS”?

The Race Is On In Tinseltown

Hollywood has always done its best to deal with national crises, and over the years, the time-frame has shrunk. 

Vietnam movies became popular in the mid-eighties, roughly fifteen years after the end of the war. 

Tom Hanks starred in Philadelphia in 1993, a decade after AIDS first appeared. 

And movies about 9/11, such as United Flight 93 were in theaters before the fifth anniversary of the 2001 attacks.

Now, the movie industry is looking to get a handle on the coronavirus pandemic, and one script has emerged as an early favorite—In The Blood, a thriller about the spread of the novel coronavirus through American society. 

“It’s a drama. It’s a thriller. It’s a procedural. It’s even a black comedy,” said Scott Harperston, a film executive who read the script. “Really gripping stuff.”

Due to the production shutdowns across the entertainment industry, the current thinking is that In The Blood will be made as an animated feature. 

“You know, Ralph Bakshi, that kind of thing,” Harperston said. “Though not that edgy. But not Disney either. And not the Robocop technique like in Waking Life.” 

Harperston paused and put up a hand. “That’s not the right word,” he said. “I was wrong. Wait.”

The press waited. It consisted of a young man, a middle-aged woman, and two older men.

Finally, Harperston resumed. “Rotoscope!” he said.

WHO WILL IT BE?

The largest question around In The Blood is who would play the lead—which, in this script, is not Dr. Anthony Fauci or President Donald Trump (though both play a substantial part), but the virus itself. 

“It’s a superbly written villain part,” said Harpertson. “Kind of a mix between Keyzer Soze, Michael Corleone, Darth Vader, and the Monstars. And while it’s theoretically written for a man, there’s no reason a woman couldn’t play the part. I mean, it’s animated. But whoever does, it’s automatic Oscar” 

There are rumors that Brad Pitt wants the part. Also in consideration are Matt Damon, Robert Pattinson, Julia Roberts, Eric Roberts, Robert De Niro, Rosie O’Donnell, Hugh Jackman, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Michael Douglas, Michael Caine, Kevin Costner, Clint Eastwood, Kristen Wiig, Haley Joel Osment, and the singer Alanis Morissette. 

WHEN WILL IT BE?

The studios have fast-tracked the script. They hope to have the film in theaters by Valentine’s Day of 2021. “Which is fitting, because I love this movie,” said Harperston.

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