Exciting Action and a Few Surprises!

This past weekend saw traditional powerhouses consolidating their gains, as the Runtern Arrows downed the Mecklenburg Silhouettes 4 (O) – 4 (P) and the Stone Hill Stoners took care of the Salt Peak Sultans 10 (A) – 5 (A). Only the match between the Kendall Kings and the Dillard Diamonds yielded any real drama, as the favored Kings were toppled in overtime, 9 (A) – 7 (X) – 9 (A*). “This was a tough loss,” said the Kings’ player-manager, Alfred “Diagonal” Goner. “Two of our best marginals were nursing injuries, so we knew it would be a tough battle. But we were there right until the end.”

“I’m proud of our team,” said the Diamonds’ manager, Felix Valloton, Jr. “Any time you go up against Diagonal Goner, you’re watching the scoreboard with your heart in your throat.” And indeed, the first six periods bore out Valloton’s theory, as there were several dislodgings, an unanswered Upturned Chair, and even a scorched ice ladder as time expired in the first third. 

Felix Valloton, Jr.


But then things took a turn for the worse for the Diamonds when Frank Iridesco closed the Justice Gap. “You play this game for thirty years, and you think you’ve seen everything,” said Goner. “But I’ve never seen that before. I went back afterward and looked at the tape, and his hand position, the precise way he got his forehead to brush the bump-cushion, it was poetry. Hats off to him.”

Of course, hats literally came off in the way of Iridesco’s brilliant play. “In the interperiod, there are all these hype teams that come out to rouse the crowd,” Diamond said. “You know: dancers, singers, acrobats, that kind of thing. We barely saw it. We were on the sideline, hatless, contemplating our fate.”

When play resumed, the Diamonds were resurgent, delivering a Stand Up, a Cut Cake, and setting up but not completing a Fatal Flaw. “Boom, boom, boom,” said Diamond. “Just like that.”

Dillard, making tentative steps toward securing a spot in the Global Circumnavigation circuit, now plays Kendall six more times in a row. According to Diagonal Goner, the Diamonds may face a different squad. “I’m getting both Harry and Harriet out of there, if you know what I mean,” he said. “I don’t have to disclose this, but I’m leaning toward Angela. She has the desire.”


The standings in the Shore Division have now been thrown into chaos. La-Larrimore slides, while Chalkridge holds steady in the “sauna spot.” 

Player of the Week went to Lauren Claire of the Silhouettes, who stood in frame for ninety-two minutes without losing her form. “It’s all core,” she said. “I know that I look good, but that’s less important than looking good in the eyes of others.”

Next up: Runtern takes on Salt Peak and South Mother in quick succession, while Mecklenburg disbands before meeting Herrick.

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