SUSHI WAS SERVED AT THE LAST SUPPER!

…and the sushi chefs came over from Japan!

Startling new research reveals that Jesus and his disciples feasted on sushi at the Last Supper – and it was made on the spot by top Japanese sushi chefs.

And while the majority of the sushi was spicy salmon rolls, tuna rolls. and California rolls, archaeologist Dr. Gilbert Rothschild maintains that at least one of the rolls had a touch of beef in it.

“When Jesus broke bread with his disciples, we now know it was, in fact, a large piece of yellowtail sashimi,” says Rothschild, antiquities professor at famed England’s Fellingham University.  “There was some edamame as well.  What was really amazing was how the chefs kept the fish fresh as they traveled to Jerusalem and up Mount Zion.  They were very skilled with the fish.  And they prepared a special Judas Roll for the occasion.”

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Rothschild says there’s no doubt that the sushi was fresh.  But there is evidence that Jesus turned his blood into sake, instead of wine. The Last Supper was actually a Passover Seder during which only matzos, the cracker-like non-rising bread is served.

Rothschild and his team of researchers spent the better part of 10 years digging and sifting through the room where the Last Supper was held, as well as the outlying areas of the Dormition Abbey on Mount Zion.

They claim they uncovered the remains of chopsticks and an empty soy sauce bottle.  And an in-depth lab analysis confirmed particles of wasabi had adhered to the ancient flooring in the room.

“We would’ve saved a lot of time and money had we been able to get our hands on the tablecloth,” adds Rothschild.  “That said my decade of research on the Last Supper has been the most fulfilling work of my career.”

WATCH OUT FOR THE JUDAS ROLL

The findings from the archaeological team have drawn sharp criticism from the Catholic Church, in particular.

“How can these quack researchers say that sushi was prepared for Jesus and His apostles at the Last Supper?” decries Father Terrence O’Donoghue of the Archdiocese of Boston. “They make it sound like it was some sort of pizza and poker night with the guys. They need to bone up on their Bible readings, I’ll tell you that much I want them all to sit down and read the canonical gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luka. and John. I suppose they think the Eucharist at Sunday Mass should be spicy tuna rolls.

Rothschild understands his work has shaken the followers of the Christian Faith to their very core, saying “Our research provides us with a clearer picture of what really transpired that night.

“Jesus and His apostles ordered pizza for delivery – simply astonishing.  I think it’s also fascinating to know that Jesus tipped the delivery guy saying, “Take this in remembrance of me.”

“And let the art world please note that Leonardo da Vinci’s painting, while a brilliant creation, was inaccurate. I mean there’s not ginger anywhere on that table.”