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ALIEN HEADHUNTERS GET THE GOOTANS!

MIAMI, FL – Through a Brazilian contact in Miami, Weekly World News received a tip about a tribe in South America – the Kokatuki – that have been slaying aliens for hundreds of years.  Apparently, the Kokatuki have the uncanny ability to spot aliens among humans.  They can tell within three seconds if a being is human or alien. And when they see an alien, they kill them right away and shrink their heads.  They have a vast collection of alien shrunken heads in the village. 

Last month, aliens from Planet Gootan landed in central China and have been spreading out across the globe. As Weekly World News has reported the Gootans are aliens that have come to Earth to conquer humans and our planet. They are being met by The Zeebans (from Planet Zeeba) who are arriving on Earth to defend humans against The Gootans. This alien war on earth was predicted by Nostradamus and is expected to last until 2026.

FINDING THE KOKATUKI

Having heard that the Kokatuki were alien slayers, we traveled to the Amazon to find them. It took eight grueling days in the jungle, but we finally found the Kokatuki tribe, who live in a simple village. They were leery of us at first, but after we gave them some M&Ms and beef jerky, they were much more open to speaking to us.  The leader of the Kokatuki, King Koobabooma, communicated to Weekly World News through a local, tribal guide. 

King Koobabooma of the Kokatuki

The Kokatuki did not feel that the alien heads they had scalped were from another planet at all.  They felt that there just a different kind of jungle animal. “We’ve never had a problem killing them,” said the King Koobabooma.  “We tried to eat one, but they tasted terrible, so we just shrunk their heads instead,”

Weekly World News asked to see their collection of alien heads. We had with us Dr. Janice Ross, who is a top Gootan specialist. We were all surprised to see hundreds, maybe thousands of shrunken alien heads in a nearby cave. 

ARE THEY GOOTAN OR SOME OTHER ALIEN SPECIES?

Dr. Ross examined the heads and determined that over 290 of the heads, which were captured in the last month, were Gootan. “The markings are very clear, with small divets near what seems to be cheekbones and there’s a big indent in the back of the head. Definitely Gootan.” Dr. Ross was excited to examine the Gootan heads up close.

WWN took a few photos of the heads, but when we started speaking in English – the heads seemed to move, they seemed to come to life. This shocked the guides and the Kokatuki who got scared. We ran out of the cave that housed the shrunken heads just as it started shaking the whole mountain. The Kokatuki came back with their spears and tried to kill the alien shrunken heads, but they began spinning and spinning. The Gootan heads “escaped” into the jungle. 

As the Gootan heads zipped by, we noticed some Gootan spaceships heading into the jungle.

We almost lost our lives as the shrunken Gootan heads whizzed by.  Now, the Kokatuki (expert alien headhunters), with the help of Dr. Ross, have vowed to find every last Gootan head and “re-shrink” them.  They warned this reporter that they will shrink anyone’s head who tries to get in their way. 

The Kokatuki ran off after the alien heads. We decided it was best to head home. But we will keep readers apprised of any new developments by the alien headhunters, The Kokatuki.

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