SLEEPY DOG – 2020 PREDICTIONS

Sleepy Dog is one of the leading canine psychics in the world and  Weekly World News has her exclusive predictions here.  

She says 2020 will be the best year of our lives – and possibly the best year in the history of mankind!

World peace. A booming American economy. Sensational weather.  Republicans and Democrats coming together! Cures for deafness, blindness, and cancer. All these things and more will combine to improve our health, finances and peace of mind as we put the turmoil of the past few years behind us.

HOW DOES HE TELL US HIS PREDICTIONS?

Sleepy Dog spoke through the Weekly World News Dog Translator, Gigi Batalcleeva.  Sleepy Dog says:

 “The coming year will go down in history for its unparalleled achievements in world peace, prosperity, and individual well-being. Fate is definitely smiling on mankind. We are fortunate to be living at this particular moment in time.”

Here are Sleepy Dog’s 2020 predictions:

January

• Botanists discover a rare flower in the Congo rain forest that can quickly kill cancer cells and promises to wipe out the disease within five years!
• One of the world’s leading rock stars reveals in May that Elvis Presley was his father and he produces an official birth certificate to prove The King is his dad!
• Scientists have predicted that 2020 will be the best weather in 120 years. The reason? New high-tech devices that enable experts to manipulate sunshine, rainfall, and other weather patterns anywhere on Earth!  But those scientists are quickly proven wrong. Climate Change continues.  Confusion ensues and the debate continues to rage.

February

• The discovery of a 182-year-old man who fought in the Civil War stuns historians – and geneticists. The soldier recalls meeting Abraham Lincoln.
• While researching a drug to combat male pattern baldness, a pharmaceutical firm discovers a cure for deafness.
• Harvey Weinstein gets hit by a car.  He survives.  When he walks out of the hospital, however, he is hit by a bus.
• Millions flock to churches and other places of worship during a worldwide religious revival led by Kanye West.  Some consider Kanye to be the second coming of Christ.  Those people are wrong.

PEACE AND MORE PEACE

March

• The end of international conflicts brings true world peace that is unparalleled in history!  North Korea and South Korea form Korea. But North Dakota and South Dakota still refuse to unite.
• The mystery of UFOs is solved. Human beings from the year 3089 contact top extraterrestrial scientists worldwide. They admit to sending saucer-shaped time machines to Earth for the past 200 years. Now they are begging Earthlings to clean up the environment or face extinction.
• Dr. Sally Summertime of the University of Houston solves the growing problem of global overpopulation. Dr. Summertime discovers an amazing birth control drug for men that’s 100 percent effective (and safe). This amazing drug is made from vines taken from the Amazon jungle!

IS DONALD TRUMP STILL THE PRESIDENT?

April

• Yes. He is.
• The Hubble Space Telescope fulfills its potential with the discovery of two extraterrestrial civilizations in star systems located outside our own Milky Way.
• A west highland terrier will be the first dog to land on the moon. And to poop on the moon!
• In a staggering political comeback, John F. Kennedy, who was frozen in a block of ice for the last 47 years, walks into Congress. He announces that he will seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2020.

May

• The first major human head transplant is completed at a major American hospital. This event turns the medical profession upside down, forcing doctors to confront moral and ethical questions they hoped they would never face. Numerous people sign up to be the first to get the operation.
• The development of an artificial eyeball promises to eradicate blindness, enabling millions to see again or for the first time ever!
• Princess Meghan becomes pregnant again and gives birth to the royal quints in December – two months early!
• American solves its homeless crisis when families around the nation begin adopting homeless people. The campaign is called “Let Them In.”

June

• The surprise bestseller on the fashion scene – for both sexes – becomes the Luggage Suit: A one-piece jumpsuit with pockets for snacks, alarm clock, cosmetics, dirty laundry, sports shoes, briefcase, lap computer, boom box, personal protection weapons, compass and credit cards.
• America’s drug problem is solved when a synthetic drug is approved by the FDA. This wonder drug completely eliminates dependence on all addictive drugs – including nicotine.
• A growing number of senior citizens become stuntmen and stuntwomen, especially if they are in bad health saying they  “still want some thrills in their last years.”

IS DONALD TRUMP STILL THE PRESIDENT?

July

• Yes. He is.
• Researchers discover babies born in this month have amazing psychic powers – and can cure common illnesses with their minds! 
• Hunger becomes a thing of the past when scientists discover an inexpensive, easy way to convert saltwater to freshwater in December and make the world’s deserts bloom with crops.
• ABC replaces George Stephanopoulos with a 96-year-old woman who becomes the most popular news anchor since Walter Cronkite.

August

• A spice available in Whole Foods is found to reverse the aging process. It has to be eaten alone or sprinkled liberally on foods.
• An eccentric billionaire pretends to be  “Summer Santa” – and gives cash gifts to millions!
• Proof that space aliens exist comes in late August. A 325-foot UFO lands on an American aircraft carrier in the North Atlantic!

September

• Americans rejoice when Congress agrees to give every employed person a $15,000 September “bonus.”
• An exorcist is brought into the U.S. House of Representatives. 43 Congressmen are exposed as devil-worshippers
• Congress passes a law requiring doctors and dentists who are late for appointments to reimburse patients for the inconvenience of waiting. 
• A killer hurricane is diverted 100 miles off the coast of Texas. Twelve planes outfitted with massive magnets make history by saving the city of Corpus Christi from a monster storm packing 185 mph winds.

October

• Barbra Streisand gives her final farewell concert in a special arena erected for the event. Babs stuns The Las Vegas crowd when she pledges $50 million to fight against fur traders.
• President Trump and Congress announce a plan to balance to budget without taxes!
• American kids get a whole lot smarter, with the help of brain implants.

WILL DONALD TRUMP STILL BE THE PRESIDENT?

November

• No. He won’t. Donald Trump wins a very close election. He loses the popular vote by 5 million votes but wins the electoral college again. HOWEVER, he comes down with an illness that will force him to resign from office before the month is over.
• Obesity becomes a thing of the past. Researchers discover a safe, effective diet pill that can be taken only once a month!
• Arthritis becomes a disease of the past Scientists discover a cockroach hormone reverses joint damage and actually cures the disease forever!
• Automotive engineers in Japan announce the development of cars that run on air.
• A west highland terrier will win Best In Show at the Westminster Dog Show!

December

• In May the U.S. Supreme Court rules state-operated lotteries are illegal, forcing millions of Americans to give up dreams of Rolls-Royces and round-the-world cruises.
• Rice cures acne. In January researches find the gluten in rice gives those who eat it a clean, clear complexion. “Did you ever see a Chinaman with pimples?” asks one scientist.
• The Surgeon General urges every American to eat six or more cloves of garlic a day after the new research shows that the granny’s cure-all does prevent – or cure – skin diseases, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, internal problems and several kinds of cancer.  The Surgeon General also recommends that every American eat one Twinkie a day. Twinkies help increase IQ.
• Families with west highland terriers will have great fortune in 2021!

In conclusion, it’s time for a nap!