UNEMPLOYED WORK AS CRASH DUMMIES

Out-of-work business execs are so desperate for money they are risking their lives – as test dummies for auto makers!
At least 300 of them have suffered broken ribs, ruptured spleens, punctured lungs and skull fractures crashing cars at 50 mph in the name of “auto safety.”
“It’s a source of income for men who have been laid off and it’s cheaper than designing and testing expensive mannequins,” said Frank Sanford, a senior auto research technician from Detroit.
Auto dummies used for crash testing are designed to be as lifelike as possible and can cost up to $10,000 each, he explained.
The dummy’s chest has five spring-steel ribs with attached material that represents the rib cage and abdomen, as well as other built-in technology to record effects of the impact.
“We design our dummies to be as much like a human being as possible,” Sanford explained. “But what could be more life-like than a real person?”
Auto research executives say the human test dummies are saving them hundreds of thousands of dollars a year compared to the cost of mannequins.
“And we’re helping solve the country’s unemployment problem,” Sanford added.
The human test dummies are paid the equivalent of $700 for a few seconds behind the steering wheel, crashing cars head-on, broadside, and for rear end collisions. They must sign an agreement absolving the auto company of any liability.
“I have broken three ribs, my right wrist and suffered more whiplash injuries than I can count,” said a human test subject who asked to remain anonymous, for fear of ridicule. “But my family has to eat and the mortgage has to be paid. I make $2,100 in an average week.”
Another former bank executive, Hugh Morgan, spent almost a year looking for work after he was laid off.
“Everywhere I applied for a job, they turned me down because I was over-qualified,” he remarked.
“It’s tough being a dummy when you’re used to being a bigshot. But I’m not complaining.”