WASHINGTON, DC – The Pentagon is lifting a ban on letting gays serve openly in the military. Government officials have developed several plans for an “All Gay Fighting Force.”
Reginald Cunningham III
AMERICAN IDOL GUEST JUDGE
CHARLESTON, WV – American Idol brought on a new celebrity guest judge: Bat Boy!
OBAMA'S STATE OF THE UNION
WASHINGTON, DC – President Obama delivered his State of the Union address last night. To make sure his message went across, he used mind control techniques.
JAMES O'KEEFE
NEW ORLEANS, LA – Conservative icon James O’Keefe was arrested while trying to tap a Democrat Senator’s phone.
BRAD AND ANGELINA SPLIT
LOS ANGELES, CA – Rumors are circulating about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt nearly splitting up. The argument stemmed from Jolie wanting to adopt Bat Boy!
RNC MEETING IN HAWAII
HONOLULU, HI – Hawaii is in a panic as the state prepares for hundreds of Republicans to descend upon the state this Wednesday.
KANYE WEST HAITI TELETHON
LOS ANGELES, CA – Kanye West was banned from tonight’s Haiti benefit telethon. West has decided to hold his own one-man benefit instead.
SCOTT BROWN COSMO
WASHINGTON, DC – Scott Brown is celebrating winning a seat in the Senate by doing another nude photo shoot!
CONAN'S DEAL
LOS ANGELES, CA – NBC recently fired Conan O’Brien as the host of The Tonight Show. Conan lost the right to continue in an underground cage match with Jay Leno.
TACO BELL FOUNDER DIES
RANCHO SANTA FE, CA – Taco Bell founder Glen W. Bell, Jr., has died. The fast food world mourns the passing of a giant.