A Shocking Discovery in an Unlikely Place Archaeologists in Greece were left speechless this week after an ancient woman—estimated to be over 2,000 years old—was discovered inside a discarded garbage bag. The bizarre find has stunned experts and left locals questioning how an artifact of such historical significance ended up treated like an empty yogurt … READ MORE
What Is Friend Rock? A new music genre is taking over, and industry insiders say it might just save live music. It’s not indie, punk, or post-post-emo—it’s Friend Rock. How Friend Rock Works: Show Up, No Questions Asked What is Friend Rock? It’s the genre you commit to without ever hearing a song. When a … READ MORE
ZOMBIE BUNNIES: Authorities Urge Calm and Peeps Sacrifice According to several eyewitness accounts, the bunnies were not only animated but exhibited coordinated pack behavior, strategic hopping, and an apparent thirst for blood—or at least warm bodies. Easter Morning Turns into a Marshmallow Massacre In what experts are calling the “sweetest nightmare imaginable,” Easter festivities took … READ MORE
🔥 “Are you ready for the hottest, most electrifying phenomenon in the universe? Watch as these unstable blobs of ionized gas go completely out of control! They split, merge, and EXPLODE—no laws of physics can contain them!” 🔥 📡 Introducing: PLASMOIDS GONE WILD! 📡 🚀 For the first time ever, witness exclusive, uncensored footage of … READ MORE
“Gary Holt Has Parted Ways with Gary Holt… and Also Welcomes Back Gary Holt” In what is being described as the most Groundhog Day-esque moment in thrash metal history, Exodus has fired its entire lineup—including and especially Gary Holt—only to immediately rehire itself. The official statement, released via the band’s Instagram page, read: “Exodus have … READ MORE
Police corgi Caught “SLEEPING” During Shift In a shocking turn of events, a Chinese police corgi has reportedly been disciplined for being “bored” on the job, proving that no one—not even man’s best friend—is safe from workplace scrutiny. The canine, a highly trained K9 officer, was seen yawning excessively and showing signs of disinterest during … READ MORE
In an unexpected move, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has reportedly approached late-90s rock legends Smash Mouth to compose a fresh version of the national anthem, hoping to infuse it with what officials are calling “unstoppable stadium energy.” A Bold Move for a Bold Nation Saudi cultural representatives stated that the kingdom is looking to … READ MORE
THE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS COULD JUMPSTART THAT NOVEL OF YOURS! The coronavirus crisis has forced millions of people into isolation. The quarantine seems to have no end in sight and threatens a depression unparalleled since the 1930s. But this just may be the perfect time to jumpstart that flailing novel of yours! “What a great time … READ MORE