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QUARANTINE. JUST WHAT YOUR NOVEL NEEDED!

THE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS COULD JUMPSTART THAT NOVEL OF YOURS!

The coronavirus crisis has forced millions of people into isolation. The quarantine seems to have no end in sight and threatens a depression unparalleled since the 1930s. But this just may be the perfect time to jumpstart that flailing novel of yours!

“What a great time to reignite your side-lined writing project. The “Great American Novel” that you’ve been dying to finish. The one that has been a thorn in your side for years” said Valerie Richmond an English professor at CUNY. “You’ve probably been telling friends and relatives that you’ll finish your novel ‘very soon’ for years, if not decades. Well now, thanks to coronavirus, you have the opportunity to reignite that novel and finally, finish the damn thing!”

Professor Richmond told Weekly World News that some of the greatest literary works were created in times of personal suffering. “The Grapes of Wrath,” “The Diary of Anne Frank” and of course, “Scaredy Squirrel.”

AGENTS ARE WAITING!

Many literary agents feel the same way. Several weeks of doing your marketing job from home, having to fight off a soccer mom for toilet paper at Safeway, and teaching your ailing mother to use FaceTime may be a real asset to you. “It will help you to truly explore the depths of the human condition as you put the finishing touches on your post-racial second-person suburban hangover-romance novel,” said Joshua Guarino, an agent with Farklinovich, Mabootalutto & Wood.

“This crisis may be just what the doctor ordered,” said Guarino. “This quarantine gives you an opportunity to unleash your creative juices and attack your keyboard with real gusto. Perhaps you will finally realize the lofty expectations of your high school English teacher, the one who once told you that you had “real promise”.

“Maybe all the unfinished chapters and hundreds of rewrites of your novel’s opening sentence that even your spouse called “dull as dirt” will now come to life during a global pandemic,” Guarino continued. “You can weave elements of the current crisis in your novel. You can highlight how divided we all are, or examine how technology simultaneously separates us and brings us closer. Or maybe you can just make something up about clowns or tigers. Just finish it!”

Guarino suggested a few names for a potential quarantine novel: Life During Coronavirus, Divorce During Coronavirus or The Plague and Me.

When you finish your novel, send it to us at Weekly World News. We’d be happy to give it to our intern to read!

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