DOLPHIN SIGHTED WEARING OLD CAMPAIGN GEAR

He Likes Ike! A trio of friends out fishing on the Atlantic Ocean recently spotted something that only one of them had ever seen before—a dolphin wearing a campaign hat and button. The adult male dolphin was sporting a straw boater and an “I Like Ike” pin. He also had, clutched between his teeth, a … READ MORE

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER EMOJI BUGS!

DID THE INVENTORS STEAL THEM FROM NATURE? Scientists discovered a new species of life in the lower levels of the earth’s soil—and they may look familiar! The team of scientists from Pointmere University in Australia found the creatures, no larger than a pinpoint, in the deepest reaches of soil, more than 40 meters (140 feet) … READ MORE

BRAD PITT HAS BEEN LIVING WITH MATT DAMON’S NOSE SINCE 1999 – AND VICE VERSA!

Lady Sees All After Lightning Strike “The world is preoccupied with so many other matters.” Mary Denford is sitting on the trunk of her car, smoking a Pall Mall. “It started with the impeachment. Then the pandemic. Then the protests. Through all of this, people stopped paying close attention to what they were watching.” Denford flicks … READ MORE

PORTAL TO HECK!

Ordinary Household Mirror Opens to Not-ToO-Bad Dimension! The Miller family of St. Paul, Minnesota, noticed something strange about the mirror in an upstairs bathroom. “It would shimmer when you looked in it, and if we listened closely we could hear a high-pitched noise,” said Melanie Miller, 49, who moved into the house on Ferris Lane … READ MORE

POPULAR ALIEN TELEVISION SHOW CANCELED!

GOODBYE, OPTION EIGHT! GOOTAN FAVORITE IS OVER! Option Eight, the popular television comedy that transfixed generations of viewers, was canceled last week.  If you didn’t hear about it, that’s no surprise. That’s because Option Eight was broadcast only on Gootan, the planet inhabited by the alien race also known as the Gootans. “It was our … READ MORE

SKIPPING STRAIGHT TO 8G

Get Ready For Speed! The big winner at this year’s Device and Technology Expo (DTE), held in late February, wasn’t a new phone, or a smart TV, or a video doorbell. It was the newest data-transfer standard for all mobile devices. After a roughly decade on 4G, and a decade before that on 3G, the … READ MORE

INVISIBLE BIBLE FOUND AT BOTTOM OF SEA!

GUIDE TO LIFE! Scientists descending to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean in a new bathysphere were expecting to find something, maybe even something shocking.  “It seems like every time someone climbs into one of these things, they discover a new giant octopus, or a hot-water vent, or a ninety-foot sentient fern,” said Dr. Jill … READ MORE