OUTER SPACE OUTSOURCING

NEW YORK, NY – Alien and human labor activists are protesting outsourcing to a planet with a forty hour day.

OMS Global Services, Inc. has negotiated a deal to outsource its accounting, insurance claim and credit-card processing operations to nearby planet Benefitia. “They’ve got 940 days in a year there,” said Caleb Weindorf, a spokesman for the company. “Our competitors won’t be able to match that kind of productivity.”
Weindorf’s firm will be employing native Benefitians who are accustomed to the thirty hour work day. “I mean, they just work and work without complaint. It’s unbelievable! Nothing like human workers who moan about ‘lunch hour’ this and ‘maternity leave’ that.”
But alien and human labor activists have united to take a stand against this move. Labor leaders Kerry Simms and Ooleloo held a joint press conference condemning the intergalactic outsourcing.
“It is not only un-American but inhuman to exploit another planet’s inhabitants!” shouted Simms.
Ooleloo calmly stated, “Mr. Weindorf thinks we are stupid enough to not know how much he was paying his human workers. But by their rate, we should be making 750 American dollars a day, and we will not accept a penny less.”
President Elect Barack Obama issued a brief statement through a representative: “I have made it clear that I intend to end tax breaks for companies that send jobs overseas. If companies like OMS think outer space is exempt, they will quickly find out how wrong they are.”