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LINCOLN RESURRECTED FOR OPEN SENATE SEAT


SPRINGFIELD, IL – In a move widely seen as political pandering, the Governor of Illinois announced an unusual choice for Obama’s seat in the Senate.

At a press conference this morning, Governor Rod Blagojevich unveiled a resurrected Abraham Lincoln as the much-anticipated Senate seat-filler.

Blagojevich, a Democrat who won reelection in 2006 despite low approval ratings and accusations of corruption throughout his administration, was expected to make an appointment that would be popular not only in his party, but with Republicans as well.

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President, former Illinois state representative and member of the Illinois delegation to the House of Representatives is widely revered as our nation’s greatest president, having ended slavery and restoring the Union.

“Illinois politics are full of dark horses and controversial figures,” says Donna Brazile, political analyst and campaign manager for Al Gore’s presidential run in 2000.  “Far-left democrats like Jesse Ventura Jr. or Tammy Duckworth would have energized their base but potentially energized Republicans even more for the midterms in 2010 when the seat will be open to a general election.”

George Ryan, former Republican Governor of Illinois and current prison inmate, told reporters via email, “Its hard to find fault with this appointment.  While it’s obviously politically manipulative, Blagojevich could not have found a living person more dedicated to the people of Illinois and public service.  Perhaps that’s why he chose to resurrect the dead.”

Speaking to a crowd of several hundred, Senator-Appoint Lincoln said, “It is with great humility and honor that I fill the enormous shoes of President-Elect Barack Obama.  I can only hope to do him justice and serve the people of Illinois to the best of my ability as a United States Senator.  I will spend the next six weeks freshening up on the political climate of the last 143 years and taking some time to get to know my constituents and their concerns.  I have a feeling things have changed some since I last served the American people.”