The morning after award-winning reporter Bob Woodward took on the White House, he was arrested and sent to Guantanamo.
The White House is serious about reporters writing negative articles, or challenging, the President. This morning, Bob Woodward was awakened by FBI agents, who arrested him and put him on a plane for Guantanamo, Cuba.
“Bob Woodward has engaged in illegal activities that we have yet to identify,” a White House source told WWN. ”We don’t know the extent that Woodward is involved in this as-yet-identified action, but we do know that it is serious and we expect him to be in Guantanamo for at least four years.”
In an email to Woodward, Obama economic adviser Gene Sperling apologized for raising his voice at Woodward in a phone call but then proceeded to say Woodward would “regret” it if he pursued his story — about whether Obama had moved the goalposts on the sequester.
“But I do truly believe you should rethink your comment about saying that Potus asking for revenues is moving the goal post,” Sperling said. “I know you may not believe this, but as a friend, I think you will regret staking out that claim.”
And this morning… Woodward is regretting it. ”He is being put in a cell next to 9/11 mastermind, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed,” said the White House source. ”Woodward has to learn that you do not embarrass the President of the United States. Ever.”
President Obama was livid and personally told Woodward “you’re being sent to Cuba, pal. How do you like that madness?”
In an interview with CNN last night, Woodward said he hopes the threat wasn’t part of a pattern. But today, sources say that Woodward will most likely be waterboarded by the end of the week.
“He made a big mistake,” said Christ Matthews of MSNBC. ”Woodward should learn he has to do everything the White House says. I learned that lesson long ago.”