TEHRAN – President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad of Iran has declared Santa Claus a “Public Enemy” of Iran.
In a statement to the people he said that no violation of Iran’s borders would be tolerated. “We cannot allow this Christian figure to enter our lands without permission, to enter our homes, and force Western culture onto our impressionable young children! This is a Crusader with a sleigh! The people of Iran will be protected from this invader! If he enters our borders he will be shot down on sight!”
Reports have been confirmed that the Iranian military has been mobilized to the borders with orders to shoot and kill Santa Claus on sight. Men who are too jolly, and anyone using reindeer powered transportation, are being brought in for questioning. The international community is outraged.
Other countries are furious that Iran may shoot and kill what has been an international asset. Parents from around the world are relying on Santa Claus to compensate for a lack of interest in their children’s lives. World leaders terrified of long awkward silences with their own families are retaliating. Further sanctions against Iran are being considered, but could not be put in effect in time.
Representatives for Santa have only said that he exists solely to bring joy to the children of the world, and that he will not be bullied by a tyrant. Further requests for comment or discussion by reporters and world leaders alike have gone unanswered. Even Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey cannot get through to Santa to try and work a settlement.
Hoping Iran doesn’t bring an end to Christmas, the world waits on bated breath.
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December 24th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
And this is news? They actually ban ALL happiness in Iran. What's sad is that's just the extremists and the crazy government—the majority of their people want freedom and happiness but then they couldn't beat, maim and murder women and girls as easily as we change underware and with just about as much forethought. They actually love their sand more than females–very sad…but I guess all buttheads are alike (Heene, bank robbing Santa, the atheist who hide's behind his vet status to ruin everyone else's Christmas, and the powers that be in Iran)…they just hate themselves and so they must, simply must hurt others because, yes, I know it's cliche…but it's true–misery loves company. Don't let them get you down–miracles can stil happen
Someday their hearts will truly see what their eyes do not.
December 25th, 2009 at 3:35 am
This Iranian writer is laughing her ass off. Keep up the great writing!
December 25th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Sounds like someone is confusing Santa with that dissident Ayatollah..
December 25th, 2009 at 11:19 pm
This article seems like propaganda to me!! Check out the link in the first comment on this page, Iran seems to be having an OK Christmas considering the majority of the people are non-christian in that country and have no reason to believe in Christmas (or Santa!).
December 26th, 2009 at 1:38 am
This is bullshit!! Dont believe anything you read
December 26th, 2009 at 7:57 am
"President" AN finally arrested Santa Claus! Trial is planned. Delivery only for uranium. Just look here: http://www.peykeiran.com/Content.aspx?ID=11247
Happy Holidays
December 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
jesus was a middle estern and not north america…right?
December 26th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
santa
please
send your gifts to children whom you made refuge
December 26th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Attention: Santa has left the building.
See:
http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/12/26/22...
December 27th, 2009 at 2:54 am
a.n. is an idiot
December 27th, 2009 at 2:55 am
a.n. is an idiot!