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LONDON –  A new comprehensive study out of Cambridge University suggests that  the more you eat, the more weight you gain.

Eating more makes you gain weight.  Who would have thought that?

Thanks to a newly released study by top nutritional scientists at Cambridge University (a study partially funded by the United States), there is now conclusive proof that eating food will cause a human being to gain weight.

But don’t get all excited about NOT eating food in order to loss weight.  The study also found that NOT eating can also make human being gain weight.  Eating a normal amount of food may also make you gain weight.  In fact, just being a human makes a human gain weight.

Sound crazy?  That’s what we thought.  But we looked into the study a bit closer…

Cambridge University spent the last twenty years studying weight gain in men and women between the ages of 1 and 99.  The study cost upwards of $30 million to complete.  “It was the most comprehensive study done on weight gain in the history of mankind,” said Professor Robert Gilmeade of Cambridge.

“We would observe each subject for seven consecutive days, each month, over a several year period.  We kept a food diary for each person.  We also had a ‘control group’ that would abstain from eating for seven consecutive days, each month, over a three-four year period.   Our conclusion:  eating food  causes people to gain weight.”

“It might sound like a ridiculous study to many, but there it is a weight gain theory that has been around for centuries and we needed to determine whether it was true or not.  There have been some groups of people on the planet that have eaten very little food and gained weight, and there have been many groups of people who eat large quantities of food and have NOT gained weight.  So is it the food or is the activity level?  Or is it just genes?  That’s what we tried to determine,” said  Professor Gilmeade.

“Babies are fed food and they grow, but then at a certain point they stop growing and their bodies just metabolize the food,” said  Professor Rory Bansteed, who assisted Professor Gilmeade in the study.  “Some adults gain weight, some don’t.  Some gain weight and lose weight and others just stay the same weight their entire lives.  That’s what we found.”

Cambridge plans on releasing the findings of the study to the public in the next week.  “Many people make a resolution to lose weight when a New Year begins. We think that the data we gathered in the study will help people make better food choices and make them realize that if you eat too much, you will gain weight.

Bottom line:  it’s your genes.

But here are some groundbreaking findings in the study:

1) CALORIES.  If you eat more  than 4,000 calories a day – whether you are a man or  a woman – you will gain weight.

2) BEDTIME EATING.   If you eat over 800 calories right before you go to sleep, you will gain weight.  (Sumo wrestlers use this technique to put on pounds for competition).

3) STRAWBERRY SHAKES.  Surprisingly, it does not matter how  many of these you drink… even if you have only one in any given month, you will gain weight.

4) EXERCISE.  It’s  overrated.   You may lose weight, but you might not.  Or course, you need to exercise to keep your heart in good shape, and your body toned.  Other than that, it doesn’t matter much in terms of weight.

5) DRINKING ALCOHOL.  Makes you gain weight.  It also makes you make bad food choices, which also makes you gain weight.

6) DONUTS.  Not as bad as you think.  One or two a day is  fine.   Eating one or two bananas a day causes just as much weight gain.  Ergo, bananas equal donuts.

7) FAT WORLD.  We’re all getting fatter.  The average person weights 50 pounds more today than a person living in 1912.

8) PIZZA.  Cheese may clog  your arteries, but does it make you gain weight?   Not really.  You can eat three to four slices a day and it has no effect unless you are sitting in a chair all day.

9) BREATHING.  Some people gain weight just by breathing.

10) FORKLIFT.  If you have to be forklifted out of your house –  you’ve gained too much weight.

11) THIN PEOPLE.   They just have good genes. That’s it.  Some of them eat more than you do.  Just the luck of the draw… but some of them turn into “Food  Bullies.”

12) PROFESSORS AT CAMBRIDGE?  Generally, they reveal that they are in better shape than most people, especially Americans.

13) CHINA.  Most Chinese citizens are thin.  Most Americans are fat.  Why is this?  The study doesn’t say why, just shares the data.

14) VEGETABLES.   Vegetables also make you gain weight.  Tofu, too.

15) BABIES. They gain the most.  They usually double their body weight in six weeks.  Most adults don’t do that.

That’s it.  WWN will report the full findings of the report when it is released next week.