UPDATE: REPUBLICANS RESENT ALIEN PICK
The Alien’s rebuttal of McCain’s lobbying has left the Republican Party fuming. After eight years of unwavering support for President Bush, his refusal to put his weight behind Senator John McCain blindsided the party.
On hearing of the Alien’s decision to back Obama, McCain pointed an accusing finger at President Bush, insiders say. The senator from Arizona is reported to have blustered: “The Alien has been a staunch Republican supporter for the past 28 years. Bush’s bungling drove him into the other camp.”
The White House refused to issue a statement on the Alien’s endorsement, but privately Bush is said to be in denial that the Alien has snubbed both him and his party.
ALIEN PICKS OBAMA
DAY 2 COVERAGE FROM DENVER
The Alien’s infallibility comes as no surprise to political insiders in Denver.
Sources in both McCain’s and Obama’s camps lobbied hard for the Alien’s nod. No wonder: the politically astute extraterrestrial has accurately predicted the outcome of every presidential election since he backed Ronald Reagan in 1980.
“With a track record like that, the alien’s thumbs-up virtually guarantees victory,” says political scientist Dr. Robert Keckley. “For reasons we don’t come close to understanding, he has a sixth sense about presidential elections.
“His people must have a genetically built-in political compass—or maybe it’s because their brains are so much bigger than ours. None of our prognosticators has been able to match his outstanding success rate.”
ALIEN PICKS OBAMA!
With the Democratic convention hours away, Barack Obama has won a bitter fight with Republican Rival John McCain for the coveted endorsement of the space alien.
Both candidates lobbied hard for the alien nod. No wonder: This politically astute extraterrestrial has accurately predicted the outcome of every presidential election since he backed Ronald Reagan in 1980.
Officially, the alien does not exist, in accord with the government’s consistent policy of denying UFO activity at Area 51 in Nevada and Roswell, New Mexico. But the alien’s repeated appearances with presidential hopefuls have been widely reported.
Sources in Denver report that the alien may be present at the Politics 360 (www.politics-360.com) party in Denver Tuesday night along with former New York City Mayor, David Dinkins.