PHILADELPHIA, PA – The New York Yankees have attributed their Halloween win to Bat Boy.
The New York Yankees beat the Philadelphia Phillies in their Halloween game of the World Series. To celebrate the holiday, the Yankees hired a special young man to be bat boy, America’s favorite mutant, Bat Boy! Now the team is crediting him for the night’s victory.
Bat Boy was thrilled by the offer to play a part in a World Series game. He was so excited that he inadvertently terrorized the opposing team and several attendees with VIP seating. In the first inning he was so eager to do his job that he offered a bat to Phillies infielder Greg Dobbs when he took the plate to hit. Dobbs saw a half-bat mutant running towards him screeching and waving a bat, and ran the other way. Bat Boy, confused but wanting to go a good job, chased after Dobbs trying to offer him the bat, which when caught on camera did look like an attempted assault.
Since Bat Boy can only speak in squeaks and squeals he could not chant along with other fans. His attempts to do so hit a certain pitch that affected Phillies’ Matt Stairs inner ear and caused him to fall down unconscious while stealing second. The unconscious Stairs was easily tagged out in a Yankees double play.
When not helping the players Bat Boy would pop up from inside the dugout directly in the faces of VIP seating. Chase Manhattan CEO Paul Burlesly is believed to have wet himself from this. He stormed off to the bathroom claiming it was a spilled beer, but photographic evidence confirmed otherwise.
Bat Boy was given an official jersey by the Yankees for his help with the incident. Hanging up in the office of Manager Joe Girardi is a picture taken of Bat Boy during the 7th inning stretch, when he was on the field catching mosquitoes in his mouth.
Philadelphia Phillies management is claiming this was unfair. Phillies fans think Bat Boy gave the Yankees an unfair advantage. Team owners are pushing to invoke the right of “Do Over” for game 3 of the World Series. The MLB Rules Commission has said in response, “Let’s be honest, guys, we all know you would have lost anyway.”