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BLOOMBERG BANS PIZZA

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Mayor Bloomberg has followed up on ban of sugar, salt and styrofoam with a ban on pizza.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has assured New Yorkers that he is pro-freedom, but he wants New Yorkers to be healthy and he has therefore decided that pizza is the worst possible food for New Yorkers to eat.

“Starting in June of 2013, there will be no pizza for sale in the five boroughs of New York City,” the Mayor reportedly told a group of pizza at a news conference yesterday.  “Pizza is the number one contributor to obesity and I will not tolerate anymore obese New Yorkers.”

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Bloomberg went on to say that he will help pizza parlors in New York City – including Ray’s Pizza and Grimaldi’s pizza – transition into “healthy food alternatives.”    The Mayor’s office told WWN that the Mayor will provide funding to turn pizza parlors into salad bars, Pilates studios and “fast-juice” restaurants.

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New Yorkers were irate to learn of the Mayor’s latest Nanny State intrusion.   “From my cold dead hands,” said Sal Ruggerio of Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn.  “He can take anything, even our guns, but he ain’t gonna take my pizza.  No f*&*ing way.”

The Mayor told reporters that New Yorkers can adapt to anything and they will learn to live without pizza.   “The world won’t end if there isn’t any pizza.  There’s lot of food alternatives,” the Mayor went on to say.

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