FORT LAUDERDALE, FL – After years of hiding out in Everglades National Park, Skunk Ape is having a coming out party.
For the past twenty years stories have been told in South Florida about the hideous and vile smelling skunk ape who preys upon deer, fox, alligators, and sometimes even humans.
Skunk Ape has returned!
He has been described as a mix of an ape and a skunk, Bigfoot and a dirty diaper, and Danny Devito without the farting noises. Though, without photos verifying proof or anyone sober verifying proof, for that matter, it has not been brought to the public’s attention, until today.
Skunk Ape is looking to get out of the swamp and into girl’s bikinis. He has been sighted up and down Fort Lauderdale Beach and some have claimed to even see him as far south as Miami. He has been drinking, dancing, and “getting dirty” some have claimed as they have seen him carousing the sand looking for dance partners and drinking buddies.
Kim Cloisters, from Delray Beach, came in town last weekend and noticed a huge pile of hair swaying back and forth to techno music. “At first I was a little afraid when he approached, but once you get past the smell, he is pretty similar to any other guy from Jersey that hasn’t been waxed in a while.”
In fact, the Skunk Ape seems to be the life of the party down in South Florida these days. Aside from two reports of dogs missing on the beaches, there have been no complaints about this seemingly lovable oaf. He has even gotten a few affectionate nicknames, the main two being Harry and Odie, short for odorous I expect.
Looks like Skunk Ape, from the pictures and stories swirling around Fort Lauderdale, seems to have found himself a new home.