WASHINGTON – President Obama declared today, August 18th, “National Recall Day.” So… send it back!
“Send it back! Send it back!” That was the chant heard on the National Mall today as hundreds of thousands of Americans gathered to celebrate National Recall Day.
The day got off to a bang with a massive egg recall. The official reason given was that there was a feared salmonella contamination in cartons which have the plants numbers P-1026, P-1413, and P-1946. The unofficial reason is that… the government doesn’t want you to eat eggs today. They’re bad for you! “Stay away from eggs, they’ll kill you!” shouted a hysterical Senator Al Franken. Senator Franken was then pelted with over three thousand tainted eggs, which actually made him quite happy. He put on on his old Saturday Night Live diaper and danced across the stage.
Next up was a recall of Mazda cars: Mazda3 and Mazda5. The official reason given was that there may be a loss of power in the power steering while driving (why would that be a problem?) in cars built from April 2007 through November 2008. GM felt left out of the party so they recalled 250,000 crossover vehicles, the 2009-2010 Chevrolet Traverse, Buick Enclave, GMC Acadia and Saturn Outlook, and due to a seat belt problem.
The unofficial reason given by White House Staff was: “Cars cause climate change. Don’t drive. Walk everywhere.” Harry Reid gave a rousing speech about going back to the horse-and-buggy, “that’s when American was America and horses where horses!”
Then Julius Genachowski, the 45-year-old head of the Federal Communications Commission took to the stage and announced the recall of radio talk show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Genachowski told the crowd that it was not true that Dr. Laura quit. “We recalled her. We can’t have people on the air saying things that we don’t like. We’re going to put a stop to that from now on!” The crowd erupted into a loud chant of “Send her back! Send her back!” When Genachowski asked where Dr. Laura was being recalled to he responded, “We’re sending her to Afghanistan, where she’ll be stoned. That’s the kind of justice we want here.”
Dr. Laura was brought on stage and Al Franken pelted her with eggs.
Genachowski then announced that he will be aggressively pursuing the recall of Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannitty. “The time has come. We must recall all Republicans. We must recall them now!”
The rest of the day was filled with minor celebrity recalls (Erykah Badu, Snooki, Steve Slater) and some more product recalls (the Snuggie, iPhone 4s and the vuvuzela), and the crowd got excited about recalling ALL politicians in Washington, but the big news came when President Obama took to the stage and said that he was recalling The First Amendment and The Second Amendment. “These amendments are dangerous to the citizens of the United States and they need to be recalled,” the President said.
The crowd started to shout “Send it back! Send it back!” but police moved in and quickly silenced the crowd.
WHAT do YOU want to recall today? WHO do YOU want to recall today?
Happy National Recall Day!!
Here’s the official government recall website: recall.gov. But it hasn’t been updated in months.