MALIBU – Surfers at Zuma Beach were shocked to see a mermaid, especially when the mermaid is Halle Berry!
The Malibu High Surfing gang was out early this morning: smoking weed, eating granola and riding gnarly waves. After beating up some eleven-year-old tourists who were trying to learn how to surf (“These are OUR waves, dude!”), they came in to tell each other how good they looked in their wet suits.
That’s when Taj Jett (19) saw something big and orange on the shore. “Dudes, look there’s something big and orange over there.” The surfers put down their combs and long boards and ran to the edge of the water. When they got there, their jaws dropped. “Duuuuuuudes, that’s a chick,” said Nico Bartz (18). “That’s not just a chick, dude, that’s Halle Berry!” Taj said as he ran around in circles on the sand.
Loka Swenson (17), introduced herself to Berry and said, “Dude. Did you know you have fins?” Halle Berry pulled herself up. “I’ve always been a mermaid. It’s just a little secret of mine.” A topless Berry than set up on the beach. “Right on,” said Loka. “Awesome,” said everybody else. Taj elbowed Nico in the ribs, pointed at Berry’s breasts and said, “Dude.”
Berry managed to pull her way to the berm and away from the stoned surfers. In the tall grass she transformed back into… Halle with legs.
Surfer Matthew McConaughey came to the beach. After beating up several eleven-year-old tourists who were trying to learn how to surf (“These are OUR waves, dude!”), he went over to talk to Berry. She told McConaughey that she came ashore in the morning because she was “tired of keeping secrets. I want everyone to know the truth.” MConaughey agreed with her and told her, “I got a hair transplant.”
Berry, now back to her full woman form, walked to her Porsche and drove off. The Malibu High Surfers have been talking about it all day, wondering if they really saw the mermaid Halle Berry or not. They set a record for saying “dude” in one day. Ten thousand.
Meanwhile, Matthew McConaughey spent the day in the ocean, trying to turn into a merman. A merman with a hair transplant. At last report, he was still… just a man.
Hurricane Chris is working on a new song: ‘Halle Berry (She’s So Mermaid).” Here’s the smash YouTube video of Halle dancing to his last song. Look closely, you can see a little bit of her fin.