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END OF THE WORLD PREDICTIONS


The End of the World may be coming, and Weekly World News knows what you need to look out for!

A new year is almost upon is, and so is the end of times.  With a fond look back at life as we have known it, we now look forward to predictions of what we might expect when the end of the world comes.

Biblical scholars agree that signs hidden throughout the Bible would put the end of the world at the year 2000.  With the end of the world now years overdue it could come at any moment.  Although scholars also agree that God would likely end the world in time with the resetting of the calender year purely out of good manners.

Should the end of the world come several key signs will let people know that it is about to happen.  Noteworthy on the list of portents are the seas beginning to boil, the moon turning to blood, and the dead rising from their graves.  Climate scientists have documented that ocean temperatures are rising drastically.  Though they are nowhere near a boil, the oceans could feasibly be set on fire with all the pollutants now found in them.  Tonight’s lunar conditions are exceptionally rare for a new years eve, with a very full and blue moon.  Should this suddenly change to red would be atmospherically unpredictable, but an excellent light show to herald in the end of days.  A rising of the dead, if taken out of the literal context, could mean many things.  Zombies are dominating the landscapes of many comic books right now, and it is possible that Biblical prophets were looking into a comic book store without knowing it.  Other interpretations point towards Hugh Hefner, and the “raising” of a man who should be dead.  Zombie enthusiasts are eagerly hoping that the dead literally rise from the ground, and soon.  The Zombie Survival Society is anxious to put its theories into practice and are already preparing for an attempt to survive an zombie plague.

Most notable in the Christian signs of the Apocalypse is the coming of the Anti Christ.  As foretold in the book of Revelations the Anti Christ will come, born of the eternal sea (the world of politics), to bring suffering to the world.  But before he can do that Jesus will show up to defend the Christ family name.  One book of the  Apocrypha, the book of Levi, refers to a one on one fight between the Son of God and the Son of Satan over who will rule in the end of times.  Though ancient the book describes what sounds like a boxing match, where the two deities will assume human form and settle their differences with fisticuffs.

Should the Anti Christ win this pugilistic duel, Jesus will take all of his followers directly to heaven leaving the world and all disbelievers in the hands of the Anti Christ.  The Anti Christ will then create a One World government to carry out his evil, which contemporary scholars and most of Arkansas agrees would look much like Sweden.  The Anti Christ will reign over a world with free health care and legalized prostitution from then on for all time.

Should the world end tonight at midnight, or not, everyone here at the Weekly World News wishes you a very Happy New Year.