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DORA GROWS UP


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FLORIDA COAST – A favorite of children everywhere, Dora the Explorer has been teaching Spanish on Nickelodeon for years. Now the channel has finally revealed teenage Dora, to disastrous results.

Dora has been on-air since 2000, when Nickelodeon first discovered her. Each episode consists of her happily exploring outside with her friend, Boots the Monkey, while teaching viewers basic Spanish. Dora’s show has been wildly popular, leading Nickelodeon to heavily promote the series.

But after almost 9 years, Dora has finally hit puberty and the network was forced to reveal the teenager to the world, with unfortunate results. Although they attempted to brighten the situation with fun new merchandise and the phrase “Dora Grows Up!”, audiences have not responded well.

A network insider told Weekly World News, “Frankly, it’s going badly. Dora has been uncooperative, to say the least. We give her cute, colorful clothing from Forever21, she wears black clothing with skull prints. We give her playful make-up and jewelry, she puts on black eyeliner and earrings with daggers on them.”

“Her abuela said Dora has moved into the basement and sulks all day while blasting ‘Nine Inches’.  I think she meant ‘Nine Inch Nails’…”

Even Boots the talking monkey is concerned. “She’s just not the same Dora! Map and I try to get her excited about exploring outside, but all she wants to do is talk about existential nihilism. I don’t even know what that is. She’s dragged poor Backpack into this too. Did you know he wrote GOD IS DEAD on himself?”

Boots began to cry and excused himself from the interview.

Nickelodeon has decided to air re-runs of “Dora the Explorer” for the next two years until Dora inevitably grows out of it.