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Austrians Find Spaceship Repair Manual

Austrian scientists claim to have found a UFO repair manual that will help them build a flying saucer and master intergalactic flight by 2012!

“Everything we need to build a starship is right here at our fingertips,” astrophysicist Peter Kramer told reporters at a news conference in Vienna.

“This manual contains all the blueprints and technical information we need to build and equip an extremely advanced starship of our own.

“The technology far surpasses anything ever before seen on Earth. But there isn’t a doubt in my mind that we can duplicate it. We’re already conducting tests and building components.

“I don’t think I’m being overly ambitious to predict that we’ll have a flying prototype no later than 2010.”

Kramer refused to say where the UFO manual was found and actually cut the news conference short when reporters pressed for copies. But a colleague, Dr. Hermann Kampfer, grudgingly confirmed that it was recovered from the wreckage of a starship that crashed in the Austrian Alps earlier this year.

The 850-page manual is intact, he added, and written in a mathematical language that just about any scientist can understand.

A single page of the manual that was obtained from an unidentified source clearly shows the starship’s advanced design.

In spite of that, American space authorities remain sharply divided in their opinions of what the Austrians might be able to do with the manual.

While some say that it would be virtually impossible to build a starship with materials and technologies currently available to the Austrians, others are convinced that it can be done.

In fact, one senior NASA official warned that the Austrians might use a UFO as a military weapon in a bid to take over the world.

“I’m not saying that I distrust the Austrians, but if they pull this thing off and actually build a starship, God help us all,” he said. “Before you knew it, we’d all be wearing lederhosen and eating wiener schnitzel.”