New “woke” NFL rules are now taking effect!
He’s 12’ 8” tall and weighs over 850lbs. Yes the NY Giants finally signed Justin Bunyon, who is a genuine giant. His grandfather Paul was gushing, “Finally they are giving real Giants a chance to play!”
The NY Giants are the first to comply with the new “NFL mascot appropriations rules”. The new rule clearly states that each NFL team, in order to keep their mascot name, must have at least one real active mascot on the field at all times. Bunyon has been seen at practice throwing their 3rd-string quarterback clear through the uprights. They also signed the Jolly Green Giant to their practice team.
Right now the scouts of the NFL Detroit team are at the Kenya combines timing the speed of dozens of lions, trying to find the fastest ‘king of the jungle’ that can also tackle.
So far it seems the female lions are faster and better pass rushers. Shelia Ford, the owner of the team would be thrilled to have the first female NFL player in history.
“We will be doubly-woke! The wokest!” She screeched with glee.
Most other teams are complaining about the new rule. “It’s ridiculous and totally unfair!” Claims the Arizona Cardinals GM. “We are the Cardinals, so right now we are being made to chose between a 4 oz red bird or an 80-year-old theologian!”