WASHINGTON, DC – Senator John McCain wants the US to take a more aggressive stance with North Korea, preferably using a ship that bears his name.
McCain urged the Obama administration on Meet the Press this Sunday to forcibly board a ship sailing from North Korea to Myanmar believed to carry UN contraband missile parts.  He said that the USS John McCain is nearby and ready for the job.
“If the ship needs to be forcibly boarded,” he went on to say, “naval officers can wear masks of my face.  This would have the dual effect of protecting the sailors’ identities and striking fear into the hearts of their enemies.”
He continued saying that the elevated tension between North Korea and the rest of the world was highly unfortunate.  John McCain offered to settle the dispute once and for all by challenging Kim Jong Il to a one-on-one Kumate style duel to the death.  To keep the fight fair and the results clear, he said it would be preferable if the duel was broadcast live on pay-per-view.
No official response has come from Pyonyang regarding McCain’s challenge to a duel.  However inside sources confirm that McCain did receive a signed copy of Kim Jong Il’s album “Lonely Mount Piktu Rambler.”
The Obama administration has insisted that it will remain vigilant of the North Korean ship, but hostile boarding will not be necessary.  John McCain maintains that he, ships bearing his name, and soldiers bearing his likeness, should be used to protect the country.


  1. Rumor has it that McCain has been training MMA with Randy Couture and Anderson Silva for this duel. McCain is scheduled to announce his retirement from the senate and become a UFC fighter.

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