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100 YARD TOUCHDOWN MIRACLE
TAMPA, FL – Divine intervention is believed to have brought Super Bowl victory to the Pittsburgh Steelers last night.
SUZANNE SOMERS TO LIVE FOREVER
LOS ANGELES, CA – Suzanne Somers has recently come forward with the experimental hormone program which will give her eternal life.
SECRETARIES PROTEST STARBUCKS DECAF CHANGE
SEATTLE, WA – Secretaries have begun rioting near Starbucks’ headquarters after news spread that decaf coffee would no longer be brewed after noon.
PETA RESHOOTS SUPERBOWL AD
NORFOLK, VA – After being rejected by NBC for risque content, PETA has reshot their TV ad in a bid to nab a Superbowl slot.
BANKRUPT ICELAND TURNS TO OLD GODS
REYKJAVIK, ICELAND – After the shattering of their economy and resignation of the Prime Minister, Iceland has turned to their old Norse gods for help.
JOHN THAIN’S $87,000 RUG
NEW YORK, NY – Merrill Lynch’s CEO John Thain is leaving the firm, amid furor over his purchase of a yeti skin rug with company funds.
CHIRAC BITTEN BY DEPRESSED POODLE
PARIS – Former French president Jacques Chirac was rushed to the hospital this week after being attacked by his white Maltese poodle, Sumo.
ABE WAS A BABE
LEXINGTON, KY – Despite repeated comparisons, Abraham Lincoln was more different from Barack Obama than you ever could have imagined.