Weekly World News is debuting a new weekly feature, honoring the lesser known saints we tend to forget.
For our first installment, we introduce:
Saint Thaddeus of the Thinning Hair
Patron Saint of the Combover
Saint Thaddeus was born in Leipzig in 1584. Originally an accountant by trade he found religion one day when he accidentally wandered through a bad neighborhood on his lunch break. While running from a gang of youths he made a promise that if the Lord would deliver him, he would join the church. At that moment all 11 youths fell down dead from plague. Thaddeus was saved.
During his work with a local monestary Thaddeus became known for his refusal to simply cut his hair short and accept his baldness. Instead he grew what little hair he had long and laid it over the bald parts of his head. This practice saved his life when in 1622 the local baron issued an edict that all monks should be put to death “And you will know them by their bald heads!”
Thaddeus took his brothers to a cave where they hid. When a mob approached to inspect them, Thaddeus’ combover had grown so convincing the mob passed them over and they were saved. Since that miraculous day Saint Thaddeus has been the patron saint of combovers, hair plugs, and men over 40 who date.
You can pay homage to Saint Thaddeus, or any of the forgotten saints, by severely parting your hair and acquiring the Mortal Sins holy cards, lovingly created by NobleWorks.
Tell Ed Anger that the saints teach the earth not to populate and reproduce idiots like him.