MEXICO CITY – Cinco de Mayo celebrations will proceed in Mexico.  Adjustments are being made to counter the lingering threat of swine flu.

Mexico was the epicenter for recent swine flu which has garnered international headlines.  Attempting to contain the virus, Mexico shut down schools and offices around the country, to great effect.

Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of a military defeat over the French in 1862.  Within the country there is a minor holiday, however abroad it is a day of celebrating Mexican heritage and culture for many.  Mexico hopes to encourage celebration in a safe way that does not put anyone at risk of contamination.

Police will allow people in Mexico City to come out of their homes for the first time in weeks.  Celebrants will be able to gather in the streets, but authorities will be enforcing a 10 foot (3 meter) personal space rule.  Bans on greeting or acknowledging friends and acquaintances will remain in effect.

In affluent suburbs that were not nearly so hard hit, children wearing surgical masks will gather around piñatas filled with Tamiflu and hand sanitizer.

Parades will go on like usual, however all participants will be required Haz-Mat suits and industrial strength gas masks.  The Miss Mexico float and the Church of Scientology are among the few confirmed to be marching.  An all Haz-Mat children’s dance performance will also proceed as scheduled.

State television will air reruns of last years festivities, along with a leaked version of the Wolverine movie to make up for the inconvenience.

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  1. Scientology will be there because Scientologists do not believe in germs or any of that stuff. They believe that illness is only caused by the presence of someone who doesn't like Scientology. So, if you're a Scientologist, and you get lung cancer, it's not because you smoked 3 packs a day for 30 years. It's because your brother thinks Scientology is stupid. When Travolta's son died, it was because John must be hanging around with someone who is critical of Scientology. That's Scientology for you! Also, they don't wash their hands after going to the toilet. The cult's founder, L. Ron Hubbard, said it wasn't necessary to do so.

  2. I stand by my statements. 100% true. Scientology is chock-full of insane, filthy, criminal theories, policies and practices. It is much, much worse than most people think. Scientology is not just "kinda kooky" — it is vicious and dangerous and needs to be stopped. Learn the facts: http://www.xenu-directory.net

    • Grow up woman… You need to crawl back to the 70's and listen to your Dan Folgeberg records where you belong

  3. I am happy to see someone enjoying the festivities even if it is a Scientologist. I think the media has taken this way to far. The Swine Flu is no more dangerous than common flu viruses. So I applaud the people who are enjoying this celebration. In addition, I feel the same with gossip media and their negative comments about Scientology. I am not a Scientologist (I am a baptist), and the negative media surrounding Scientology is just as idiotic as the Swine Flu. People need to wake up.

  4. #1 sign of a Scientologist on a message board: "I am not a Scientologist…"

    "Negative media surrounding Scientology" — Oh, you mean FACTS about Scientology, as Mary gives above. Also: Have you ever heard of a "religion" that has an internal prison system (the "Rehabilitation Project Force")? There's PLENTY of inconvenient facts out there about the this crime-cult.

    Oh, LLL? You have mocked up your own past lives. Here's a bit of OT-8 for you.

    WHY THETANS MOCK-UP: This question has been the most plaguing one in Dianetics and Scientology. The ONLY way a thetan ever gets in trouble, the ONLY way he can get trapped or become part of a cluster is by mocking-up and intaking pictures of bad experiences. And why record all bad experiences? This too is not good sense. One can explain it by a yearning for events by havingness and other ways, but these do not factually lead to a total solution.

  5. It almost seems that this will be a never ending battle between ignorant and humanity. Heltrobus seems to think Scientology is evil but probably has never met or spoken to a Scientologist before. This swine flu is in-fact a media hype. The newly found virus is truly no more deadly than the common flu. Lady Luvs made a good statement implying that there seems to be too many followers and not enough people who are awake and looking at the facts behind the madness.

    Also I have been to the xenu site. Its pretty bigoted and racist. The people on the message boards are more like Nazis. A bunch of teens who hate themselves and the world. They really need God in their lives.

  6. LLL – YOU NEED TO WAKE UP. You obviously know nothing about the abuses of scientology and until you do some research I suggest you keep your comments to yourself. People ARE waking up!!! And thousands of ex members of the cult are finally SPEAKING UP. And thankfully, very soon, scientology will be exposed for what it truly is, which is a very dangerous, mind-altering cult that hurts people.


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