GIANT COMET HITS THE GIANT PLANET!
HOUSTON — Stunned scientists say they now have absolute proof that life exists on Jupiter. They’re receiving distress signals radioed from the devastated planet!
Off the record, NASA higher-ups are theorizing that the signals were prompted by the recent battering of Jupiter by comet fragments.
“Theses signals can only be coming from an intelligent life form,” says Dr. Lucas Mirsch, a highly respected planetary astronomer with close ties to NASA.
“Contrary to what we’ve believed for years, we’re not alone in the solar system. And based on what we can tell from the mathematical pattern of these signals, the inhabitants of the largest planet in our galaxy are pleading to Earth for help.”
Dr. Mirsch says NASA officials have absolutely confirmed that Jupiter is the source of the eerie signals, which began in late June — just weeks before the Watson-Devy 7 Comet fragments began to pummel the giant planet.
Since the signals started before the bombardment began, it appears these beings knew the comet was about to hit.
And since the disaster, the transmissions continue to come, one every 76minutes and 35 seconds.
They last exactly 13 seconds each.
“NASA has investigated every possibility that this could be a hoax,” says Dr. Mirsch. “State-of-the-art sensors have traced the point of origin to the exact position of Jupiter’s orbit.
“There’s simply nowhere else they could be coming from.”
One of the decoding specialists who has analyzed the mathematical pattern of the sounds says he and his staff are 99 percent sure the message is an S.O.S. of some sort.
“It’s difficult to explain to a layman,” said the expert.
“But the frequency with which certain numbers occur in a coded message gives us clues about its general content.
“Although we can’t give an exact word-for-word translation, we can say with reasonable certainty that lief-and-death urgency is being communicated.”
NASA won’t officially comment but Dr. Mirsch says there’s not much the agency can do to help.
“Originally, before the comet fragments struck, the signals appeared to be coming from two separate transmitters,” he says.
“But since July 20, when the heaviest damage took place, they’ve only been coming from one, indicating that the other may have been knocked out of commission.
“All we can do now is pray that Jupiter survives this terrible cosmic assault and that our two worlds can make contact again soon.