GHOSTS ABANDONING HOUSES AT RECORD RATE!

THE UNTOLD TOLL OF LOCKDOWN

I’ve been feeling an uptick in paranormal energy. The free-floating wandering kind. I’m sure you’ve noticed it, too. 

To find out what’s been going on I contacted Charlie Mason of The Veil, an elite ghost hunting team. He confirmed what I’d been sensing.

“We’re getting a lot more ghost hunting calls,” Mason says. “But not in the typical sense. People can’t seem to find their ghosts. They want us to hunt them down and bring them home.”

I spent time with The Veil on some of their recent investigations, and what we uncovered was quite shocking. Worldwide lockdowns and stay-at-home orders are taking a toll on the spirit domain as well as the human world—and ghosts are fed up.

Here’s what we heard from the entities we contacted.

Bloody Mary

Just say her name into your bathroom mirror three times and she appears. Right? Not anymore.

We tried lots of mirrors in lots of bathrooms before finally finding Bloody Mary in the ladies’ room at a truck stop in southeastern Louisiana, where she had this to say.

“People got so bored I was getting summoned all the time,” The famed phantom reports. “It was ‘Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary! Bloody Mary!’ day in and day out. Give a girl a break. Everybody needs a little private time. Especially when you’re doomed to live in bathrooms!” 

Bloody Mary is currently on hiatus. If you absolutely must summon a bathroom spirit, Mary asked me to recommend her protégé Smelly Shelly.

CaspEr

This ghost’s proclivity toward “the living” is legendary. But even he has a breaking point. We caught up to Casper at his country crypt in rural Minnesota for a brief but insightful encounter.

“I like my people. I really do. It’s kinda my thing,” Says the saccharine spirit. “But they aren’t getting the human contact they need these days. So who picks up the slack? Me. The friendly ghost.” 

It became obvious very quickly that stay-at-home orders had caused a real “change of spirit” in this normally amicable apparition.

“Everybody expects me to be ‘on’ 24-7! It’s exhausting!” He said with rising anger. “I had to move to the country to escape the pressure! To be honest, I miss the days when grown-ups looked at me in fright!!”

From there he went on a lengthy tirade. Professional decorum—and actual laws—prevent me from publishing his comments verbatim. But let’s just say “friendly” isn’t the only f-word in his vocabulary.

The Ghost of Johnsie Carlton

It’s not just famous ghosts, either. This is impacting the entire spirit community. Like in the case of “regular ghost” Johnsie Carlton of Houston, Texas.

“I’ve haunted a cute little bungalow on Bradshaw Street in The Heights since I died there nearly a century ago. I love that place!” Carlton says. “Or at least I used to.”

One thing is clear, this ghost is absolutely sure lockdowns are to blame.

“The people in my house were staying home, baking bread, doing puzzles,” Says the disgruntled ghost. “They never went anywhere! It was creepy. No matter how many times I encouraged them the ‘GET OUT!’ they just wouldn’t leave. So I did.”

The Ghost of Johnsie Carlton now wanders the streets and alleyways of Houston instead of enjoying the “forever home” he worked so hard to haunt for so many years. If you see him out there, maybe invite him to haunt your house while you are out so he can finally rest in peace—at least for a little while. 

_________

Well you heard it here first, loyal readers! Give your sprit friends the space they need or risk losing them forever. 

In closing, I’d like to share what my Grandpappy Gibson always said as he tucked me into bed at night, “Spirits are all around us, boy. Be nice to them. Because we all end up ghosts eventually. And they’ll remember you. Sleep tight!” 

I’ll never forget that advice. Even after decades of therapy. 

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